At the end of the day, marriage is always a step of faith…there really is no best time. Once you are of marriageable age, every time is the best time.
You just need a little bit of preparation, some small finance and seeking of God’s face and grace. If you want to wait until you get everything right, you may never enter it the time you should.
What counts in making a happy marriage is not so much how compatible you are but how you deal with incompatibility. Compatibility is important but you will lose out on a lot more if you put all your focus on just that. Marriage goes way beyond compatibility issues.
So, take that bold step of faith. On your marks, get set…go!!
So, the hot, sexy, curvaceous Moesha Buduong is trending in the news again for admitting in an interview with CNN’s Christiane Amanpour to being a Mistress (side chick) to a married man (who has many other Mistresses). And all of a sudden sexuality issues are up for discussion again. But, as for me, all I know is that I don’t want to take sides but in our part of the world, we know we have demonized everything sexual so much that it blinds us to real issues on the subject.
Almost everybody in our part of the world lies about sex (even though they engage in it secretly) and it is always a problem if someone, especially women are openly expressive about sex (or speaking whatever is their own truth). Then, almost immediately, everybody else becomes a saint who has never had sex before and we begin to label the “innocent victim” for speaking out “their truth”.
Again, it’s true that you don’t have to buy in to their truth but it is still their truth…after all, have you experienced the same things they have experienced growing up? Or you don’t even think that there are some people who have become very “sexually immoral” just because of some childhood sexual abuse they suffered? Not saying that’s the case of Moesha and her likes though…but it could be? You say it’s still a personal choice and you’re right too, no doubt, but they are still entitled to their truth because only they know what pushed them to become what they are today. Truth is life has screwed us all in one way or the other and it is possibly only grace that kept some of us from taking certain nasty paths. 😊
It is even more true that we have sexualized women since the days of our ancestors. You may not buy that, but it’s still my truth 😂. We keep lying to ourselves but many a man grew up seeing women as sexual objects (for the most part); to be dominated and to be used at will for their satisfaction.
Trust me, even almost every married Christian man (the revered “men of God” alike) want or sometimes force their wives to behave like “prostitutes” or “porn stars” in the bedroom and give them mind blowing sex. They want them to give them all the crazy, adventurous, fascinating, fetish, etc sexual positions that they see boldly written in the Bible or that God Himself reveals to them (only God knows where they learn all those styles, after acting as if they don’t look at any sexual material 😊).
In today’s world of sexual revolution or liberation, when the same women we have sexualized for ages are embracing 100% their sexuality, flaunting it and using it to “their advantage” (whether the right way or the wrong way), the “outwardly religious but inwardly sinful men” like us are now the ones crying wolf. We start acting like we can’t live any longer with the “seductive monsters” we ourselves have created or helped to create.
Sadly, it appears like any sexual immorality a man engages in with a woman is OK and justified on the part of the men, but not for the women. Welcome to a world where a man and a woman are involved in the same ” sexual sin” but the woman is the one who must at all cost take the fall for it. A man has a million mistresses and that’s cool; but the problem is the mistresses who are so cheap, lazy, gold diggers, immoral, and all the negative labels you can think of but not the man. Seriously?
A rich man’s power or the influence of a man in authority, his ability to coerce a woman to have his way with her is always totally forgotten. No blame at all is given to the men. It is rather always the women who don’t know how to keep their legs closed or their breasts covered, or know how to carry themselves modestly, bla bla bla. This is not to the defense of the ills of any woman; but it’s often just the reality they face.
We forget that it’s about the same power a very sexy and seductive woman has on a man (whether married or not) when she learns well her game and how to play it, just like the rich powerful married men who keep chasing anything in skirt or with a big behind. The seductive woman knows how every man loves sex and how dumb many a man gets when it comes to sex, so she plays it to her advantage. It’s the same way every man knows how women love money and comfort and can easily fall for it, so they use that as bait.
So, we have on our hands a situation where a man uses his riches and power to get any woman he likes (married or not) and society is cool with it and talks less about it. Flip the script and a woman uses her sexuality and seductive prowess to get any man she likes (married or not) that can take good care of her and society is at war with her. She is the devil, not the man. Smh.
If there were no men patronizing people like Moesha, probably she would have stopped? But no, the men are lining up to have a feel of her. Like someone asked, “which man wouldn’t want a body like that? They even wish secretly in their hearts that their wives had a body like that”. 😂 How sad but how true (at least for majority of men).
Well, as for me sitting in my “one corner” somewhere, what do I know? I don’t know who is right or who is wrong; I only know these are the realities in our world. And I can only say here that, probably all the men should brace up for the sexual revolution of our dear women because I don’t see it ending anytime soon! They are really taking matters into their own hands and seem to no longer care where we put the blame or whatever names we label them.
It’s not my fault they claim they are now “liberating” themselves or coming to term with or embracing their sexuality and throwing it in our face. 😂😜
Nonetheless, one thing is also true: life has a way of paying us all back for our individual choices, for whatever a man/woman sows is what they reap.
“Whoever is slow to anger has great understanding, but he who has a hasty temper exalts folly.” – Proverbs 14:29.
I know we all need this.
Life is never devoid of problems, hurts, misunderstandings and conflict with people…
We’ve all had our own share of those…sometimes you are the cause, other times it is someone else (could be a very dear one).
But when we encounter such moments, how many of us remember the scripture above and the fact that we are unique children of God and need to exercise restraint/ patience…and by doing such be an example unto others?????
Think well about it…and remember that the next time such moments show up their ugly heads.
Don’t let your temper get the best of you.
Be kind, be understanding and do what God would want you to do!
Today I’m saying goodbye to the “twenties”. It’s been so long, so fun, so eventful, and so impactful. I went blank for a moment on what to write today, then I thought…let me thank you all who have been a part of my journey. I believe no life is useless and my young life hasn’t been either.
I believe we have impacted each other with our gifts and talents along the way and that should make the feeling mutual. That is the essence of life anyways: to know that you are making impact with your life in your small little corner on planet earth. Sometimes you may not know it or feel it that you are making some impact, but trust me, we all are.
What started out as a mere personal interest became more of something I do for fun and leisure, and before I knew it, it started to turn into a calling, a longing, a way of blessing lives no matter how small, etc.
Ever since I started sharing on relationships, I have had countless testimonies from people, and sometimes what’s more humbling is when people way older and more experienced than you seek your “immature” opinion on things and even tell you they feel inspired by what you do.
There are people, young and old, who occasionally ask for my advice on certain issues and who are grateful for the help they receive. There are people who read my facebook posts, blog posts and other things that I write and tell me how these made a difference for them. Then there are emails and comments and other things that are usually complimentary but means a lot!
The most humbling moments I’ve had was the emails I sometimes receive from places I never thought I’ve reached. One of those emails invited me to speak at a Church youth conference in the USA because somehow they thought I lived there.
It made me realize, no matter how insignificant we are in life, no matter how young and inexperienced, we influence lives everyday…near and far. There are people who just watch us from afar and feel inspired; people that you may never meet in life. Then there are people who have the courage to walk up to you, phone you, message you, etc., and say you are their role model. Then, there are parents who see something good in you and trust their children in your care because somehow they see that you can offer them some guidance, some mentoring, a word of advice, just something positive.
I have had all of that and a lot more, and sometimes it’s terrifying because you see your own inadequacies in not being able to measure up. I see all these and sometimes the future looks a mixed feeling…what if I succeed, what if I fail?
But what’s important is that everything God does for us, He expects us to give Him glory and let the world know that He is the God that blesses. I see blessings in a lot of things…both tangible and intangible, and I keep saying when you hide His blessings; you hide His glory.
It’s amazing how many lives we touch everyday when we do not keep our lives bottled up but we share it with others.
Sometimes I try not to write anything or share anything because of the backlash we keep getting from some people who think the reason we project our marriage or relationship is because we want to show off or boast about having the best of marriage. But truth is we are not even close to that…we’re all a work in progress but must that stop us from sharing our own truths? We don’t even force anybody to accept our truth as their truth…we just share what we know.
Some people believe in not sharing anything about their life with others for whatever reason and they just want you to be like them. Possibly they feel, too much sharing puts them on the radar of the devil who doesn’t like to see any good thing. But, sometimes you never learn any new thing doing that and you never get to be of help or be a mentor to anyone by doing that. As we share part of our lives with others we impart knowledge, life experiences, and we learn both ways. A word from someone can reorient your life, make you do some re-evaluation and put you back in line with your goals.
So yes, many times I fight myself to not share my writings or thoughts but I keep getting the feeling that the thoughts (some call it experience) you refuse to share may be someone’s life-saver. And how disappointing it will be that you held the key to someone’s solution but didn’t give it.
I guess it shouldn’t matter what other people of the world think…as long as God knows the motive behind what you do and that it’s ultimately to show forth His glory, He will watch over His word to perform it and there’s nothing the devil and his cohorts can do about it. Though there’s never been any blessing in a man’s life that has never attracted evil…but because God must never fail on His word, he watches over the blessings…as long as we keep playing our part and keeping our relationship with Him.
But at the end of the day, what’s of most importance to me is that when I get home, my wife sees me as the same person others see out there through my writings and the life I project. The nice things people write and say about me will mean nothing to me or to her if she does not see me unselfishly loving her and helping build our own relationship or marriage the way Christ would want it.
So here’s how I welcome myself to the thirties and I hope I don’t get called “immature” again…even after all I have seen, experienced, and achieved in my twenties. 😂 Thank you all for being a part of my journey and my growth into “maturity”. Or, is the thirties bracket not the ones you people call “mature”? 😂
My biggest lesson and comprehension of life came from my mother’s death…and I’ve never been afraid to think about death or to talk about it since. But one thing I know is the experience has somehow made me an open minded person because I searched for so many answers. Sometimes my family wonders why I talk about death so much as if it is cool and seem to have a seemingly weird way of thinking. To some of them, they would rather not even think about death because they feel the more one thinks about or speaks about it, one is somehow inviting it into ones life.
But I know if you’re in this life and all you think about is life, you’re missing it. You need to think about death because sometimes it takes someone’s death to teach you some valuable unforgettable lessons about life. Death is part of life and we have to accept that many times it throws a lot of surprises. Very many surprises…like the death of Ghana’s very own beautiful, young, vibrant, talented and sexy Ebony Reigns. Yes, I included sexy in describing her because sexy is never a bad thing, whether you like it or not. 😊
God is the giver of life and talents, but not all lives will be appreciated and not all talents will be seen as profitable to God or society…in the eyes of some people. No matter who you are, all of society will not accept you even if you do all you can to please them. Society can never love you for the totality of who you are…only God can! And it’s not entirely their fault because they can’t see the depths of a person’s heart as God sees it.
Yeah, it’s right that “out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks” and that “by their fruits we shall know them”, etc; but sometimes we need to look deep into a person’s heart before we judge them, condemn them or write them off. That’s how we kill people and their dreams even before they mature…quick judgements and instant disapprovals even in the Church. Sometimes I don’t know how different the Church is from society because we’ve messed it all up.
It’s true that all a person can know about you is what you put out there. They can never know the depths of your heart and the extent of your connection with God, even if you act a certain way in Church or in society…only God sees your heart.
I believe almost all gifts find their source with God. And irrespective of who we are in life and how we use those gifts, we are all searching for God to fully understand who He is and that’s why we can all not be at the same level of understanding of who God is and how we relate with Him. Truth is, He deals with, reveals Himself and relates with all of us differently.
It is sad to know that not all Pastors (or us Christians) even will go to heaven, yet we are the same people who judge others so much more than we pray for them or even show them a bit of kindness. Humanity goes beyond religion…we are humans first before our quest for spiritual perfection and moral uprightness.
We really seem to forget always that we are humans first before everything else turned us against each other. Even religion (e.g. Christianity) that was supposed to have made us better has made a lot of us worse (we use our religion as a cover to hide all the ills we do secretly and only paint those whose sins are in the open as the ones not deserving of grace but death).
Never for once do we put aside everything and just be humans…created to feel for our own species.
It’s very sad that everyone who is not a Christian we are quick to conclude is having bad influence on society and so their death shouldn’t matter. It is just sad because how many of us have family members who are not Christians yet their death will be a pain to us? Well, like I always say, if it never hits right at home, you will never understand what it means to lose someone…just anybody. When your time comes, you will know.
Every human being is a soul and every soul has value, depending on how you look at it. No loss (death) is ever easy to bear. Only God knows the right answers to the questions we ask when people die and I sure can bet that sometimes, there are many who we mark for hell on earth because of certain lifestyles they have yet they transit into heaven…because in their dying moment something strange happens. Consider the sinner on the cross with Jesus.
Our hearts must express sadness for all lost souls and their families…it’s just the right thing to feel as a human being.
The world would be a better place if we put humanity above our differences and not make society and our denominational identities corrupt the values inherent in our humanness.
Society has a way of forcing a certain imprint on you and call you all sorts of names just because they think you don’t fit in. Churches want you to look a certain way to fit in. Your family wants you to look a certain way to fit in. Your work place wants you to look a certain way to fit in. Your friends want you to look a certain way to fit in. Everywhere you go, you have to adopt a certain different personality to fit in. There’s therefore so many sides to a person.
No wonder we act differently when we are in church than when we are in different other spheres within society (the world). Everybody is crying wolf their opinion about you or their way of life is the right way for you to adopt. So yeah, it’s cool when society doesn’t appreciate ones many sides and it takes ones death for them to now see the full package.
But it’s very sad though and we need to rise above that! Till then we can only pray God continues to bless our hustle!
Rest well Ebony! Your hustle has ended but society’s ill judgements will continue. We hope we survive it. There’s a lesson in your death…and we hope we learn it.
You are allowed a temporary sigh of relief and accomplishment at the altar…but almost immediately begins real work; a new reality. Dating is easy…Marriage is hard work.
When in doubt, remember all the billion people who couldn’t keep it together even at the easy dating stage. If dating could not last…marriage could not too. You may not like that reality but it’s just the simple truth.
God meant marriage to be forever, of course your Pastor told you that; but it’s not always forever if you don’t put in the works. And who says your Pastor’s marriage is all rosy and a heavenly Jerusalem 24/7; don’t believe that lie, they just want you to see it that way. They go through every thing every normal marriage goes through; are they Jesus? How will you feel if your Pastor comes to say on the pulpit “things are not going too well with my marriage but we’re still working things out”. You think it’s not a possibility? The Pastor’s marriage has good times and bad times just like every other marriage.
There are no perfect marriages; yours wouldn’t be either. So, chin up and let go of all the fantasies!
There are people in church who commit worse sins than people in the world yet they always feel they are better than the people “in the world”. They feel they should be the only beneficiaries of the grace of God. In life, it is sad that it is the one whose sins are in the open that is seen as the worse or baddest of all human creations.
It is always surprising for me why we Christians tend to judge people so much…because just a minute’s reflection before you pass judgement on another would have shown you how much of a sinner yourself you are. I thought it is by grace that we ourselves have been saved and not because of any special privilege? I thought it’s the Church that says there’s no greater sin and that every sin is a sin, that the sin of murder is as equal as the sin of lying or even covetousness?
It’s such a shame the way we make the Gospel of Christ look these days!
Is is not Paul that said in 1 Cor 9:22 that, “…I have become all things to all people so that by all possible means I might save some“? How is that even possible when today’s Christian always feels he is better that everybody else among God’s creations?
It’s truly scary that the Gospel of Christ is becoming everything else except the Gospel of love and one that reaches out to even the worse of sinners. This is what happens when today’s men of God care so much about their reputation in society than demonstrating love to those who are seen to be “of the world”.
Shame on us!
Man of God, keep acquiring the wealth, keep preaching only in the comfort of your “big churches” and only to Christians…and keep giving yourselves whatever titles imaginable as men of God, and keep being happy about the death of souls that God sent you out to go and snatch from the pit of hell and keep being concerned about only your offertories in Church.
Keep being only concerned about the monetary benefits or blessings of being a child of God. Keep being busy about preaching only in churches (or from church to church) because of the honorarium or “small envelopes” you give each other for honouring invitations amongst yourselves. Keep forsaking the souls trooping to night clubs, orgies, strip clubs, pubs, souls on the streets, etc because no “small envelopes” comes from that, except the risk to your reputation of going to such places with the Gospel. We know you intercede fervently for us your members do that no harm comes to us, but you need to do more and stand in the gap even more for the unsaved souls out there. When God gives you an opportunity for a soul that needs saving, you need to chase after them; they don’t need to chase after you, I guess?
Do you even hold one single crusade outside of your church in a year these days? Do you even give just a small part of the monies you keep asking us to sow in church day and night to orphanages and other charities so we can also assuage our consciences of not doing anything for the less privileged in society? Except for invites for which if you are lucky one or two “worldly people” pass through the church, what else are you doing to go out there? You have left that work to campus ministries whose “Students In Church Evangelism (SICE) crusades you have even refused to support lately because to you the “mother churches”, the logistics (expenditure) is always greater than the number of souls won and churches planted from these student programs.
I thought you believed that no amount of money can compare with the value of a single soul for whom Christ paid the ultimate price?
Thank God your judgement would be greater as men of God. But for me, I pray God does not strike us down, especially you “men of God”. May He rather have mercy on our souls and be patient with us to change our own ways even in the house of God. It is really our souls that God should have mercy on because it will be much more regrettable if we ourselves miss the mark of the upward calling.
Always remember that everything you are doing to or for your husband/wife or your boyfriend/girlfriend, somebody else can do it and even do it better. Don’t say it’s not possible…it is!
If you’re giving him/her sex, somebody else can also give them that and even give them better. Maybe your stronghold is food or taking care of the home…but do you think nobody else cooks better than you or can ever manage your home or partner better than you? You think nobody else can spoil your girl/wife better than you’re doing now if they get the chance?
Everything you do in life, somebody else can do it better than you. The only reason why you are still there and still the only one doing it is simply because that other person has not been given the CHANCE. So, never lose guard and start playing dull moves. Everybody can potentially lose their partner to the next available highest bidder.
You’re not irreplaceable in even the most loving of all relationships. Just do something very silly, or worse case, just die now and see how soon you’ll be replaced by someone else. It’s natural for voids to be filled, just like in every working environment.
Like Sam Casey put it:
“It’s easy to see your position in leadership at the office as becoming more important than your job as the leader of your home. No one is indispensable. Everyone can be replaced on the job. God can raise up another leader to do what you are doing. It’s worth asking your spouse from time to time to make sure you stay on the mark”
Never stop loving your partner, never stop doing right by them. And never stop evaluating yourself and each other. Start treating them wrong…and you will soon see. You will wonder where that highest bidder taking what belongs to you even sprung up from. Oh boy, they have always been there! They have always been secretly admiring and wishing for what you have. All it had to take was your negligence. 😜
Truth is we are all created differently and we will all live vastly different lives. If the life that I live and the choices that I make does not look anything like yours…you don’t have to be too quick to question that.
God is so wise that He’s given us all different destinies, different callings in life, different ambitions, different passions, different careers, different backgrounds, different life experiences, different everything. In fact, even our physiques are different.
As long as we are within the will of God, you’ve got to let us alone sometimes and give us some room to breathe!
But of course, if we’re outside the will of God, you’ve got to correct us and we have to be humble enough to accept correction…at least God will want that for us.