Once, I responded to a very interesting question from a young lady on whether it is best to get everything right before settling down with a man. I believe many are still pricked now and then with that thought. My humble answer at the time was that “sometimes the fear and carefulness to get everything right makes one get most things wrong”. Looking back now, over a year since this encounter, I believe strongly that I can still stand by that answer.
I believe in many respects that when it comes to relationships and marriage, it is just a chance we all take…hoping, praying and working for the best outcome. Yes, there isn’t any fast rule or mathematics about it…it’s a chance we all take.
Ok, let me put it simply this way. You want a guy who is so over the top financially sound before you settle down with him, right? Good. But isn’t it also a chance? Or is it a choice? What is the guarantee that two months down the line, your very financially sound and stable man’s world can’t turn upside down? Granted, he must be handsome and well built. Good, but what shows he won’t get crippled and disfigured the next moment? Or, you think many who are crippled and looking “unattractive” today were born like that?
What is the guarantee that the things we look out for today will remain permanent forever? Even the characters we so admire in some men and women and upon which we base many decisions are changing with a little taste of money, attention, career prospect…just name it. Does that say anything about the saying that “the only thing that is permanent in life is change”?
You see, you are blessed if you will look back many years later and still see the same character traits in your partner after so much has changed since settling down. Don’t get me wrong yet. I am not in any way suggesting that you throw away your fanciful list of “the twenty traits I must see in my partner before it works out” for just an “anything goes” list. Of course, plan your life and set high goals for yourself but can you make room for a bit of chance in your life’s plan because things don’t always turn out the way we want or plan it?
Well, at this point I know my religion obsessed readers will come again with the usual “there is nothing like luck or chance in a Christian’s life”. Well, do I look like I care? All I know is over spiritualizing everything clouds the wisdom that God has put in the head of some Christians. Ok, back to my point before I totally deviate because that is a subject for another day.
So let’s look at it this way. You are a lady and you want to get married at 30, but at 25 a good man comes your way…will you take your chances?? He may not meet all the things on your list though…will you? You are a man and you want to settle down at 30 because only then do you see yourself financially stable but at 25 a good woman comes into your life…will u take your chances?? What’s the guarantee that your financial stability won’t even only come at 40? She must be a nurse, but it’s turning out she will be a teacher? Will you go for it?
You see, Grace, Grace and plenty Grace is what we need on that relationship/marriage journey. And that Grace is already available as we all take our chances with a great dose of God’s guidance. You see, God doesn’t even follow your very carefully laid out life plans on anything, including your choice of a partner and time of marriage. And isn’t that why you have to make room for chance? Trust me, it is that small room of chance that He occupies to guide well your life.
He could even give you your man when you are just 18…whilst you are still planning for the 20s and 30s. Oh, you doubt that? 18 is too young an age to marry? Ok, ask our famous Nigerian actress Omotola (Omosexy) if she regrets marrying at 18 or ever taking the chance. Yes, 18 I know, or so I heard.
I’m only using one reference? Yes. It’s because I want you to find out yourself about the numerous testimonies of people who took the chance when it came to choice of partner or right time of marriage. It’s all out there. Research it.
Your problem is not because you have not met the right person, your problem is…well, I will tell you in my next write up.
Till then…
Brace up! Take the risk! Take the chance!
Mark Gadogbe
First published on courageahiati.wordpress.com on September 11, 2014 as Guest Blogger.
Everything Marriage 