Unmarried sex and pregnancy

Just “misguidedly” get pregnant without being married and you will know whether the church that claims it loves you or everybody (sinners included) really do. If they don’t call you names, shame you, roll eyes at you like angels…come back and tell me. The church has a history and statistics in that area.


The same people that will treat you in church like dirt when your sins or “shortcomings” come to the open, are the same people who indulge in secret sins…some more grave than yours. It’s simple…the church’s attitude screams “do it but don’t get caught”; hide it as much as you can, otherwise you are in for trouble.


That is why the ones who get pregnant and immediately marry as “damage control” are more “accepted” by the church than the ones who unfortunately don’t. Trust me, when a church leader gets somebody pregnant, you can bet that the church will encourage and support him to immediately marry her. In that situation, the Church is OK with applying the Exodus 22:16 scripture to support the action [Read old post on that scripture here: Fornication…]. They will do everything possible to clean the mess of a church leader from getting into the public domain. We’ve seen, heard, and read of it countless times. But let the tables turn and a mere church member get tangled in same situation. You will see a different scripture and modus operandi being applied or enforced. Let a church elder or Pastor’s child get in the same mess as a mere member and just watch how both situations will be handled. The church cares more about protecting the image of its leaders and their household than the image of its members.




When we say there is no fairness or equality in the church and can never be, people say we are just “fault finders”. Well, whatever it is, some of us choose to live with the simple principle that when you raise your expectations of church, just like anything else, you risk getting hurt. So, just do Christ; don’t do Church.


The church as a human setting is full of judgmental people. Period! If you don’t want to be judged and discriminated against, don’t go to church; otherwise, keep an open eye and open mind and expect the worse to sometimes happen. It’s simple…the church preaches forgiveness and repentance but judges and shames “saved” people who fall back into certain sins! Just accept it because it’s the truth everywhere. Some sins are pardonable, others are not…and by now you should know where the sin of unmarried pregnancy falls. The church treats it as an abomination, a detestable thing that is deserving of hate…and not love. If you can deal with it, stay. If you can’t, leave and find solace where your soul will get the peace it needs. Your destiny is not tied to a church, it’s tied to Christ.



But truth for me is, no child should be treated as an abomination whether conceived in wedlock or out of wedlock. Sadly, the church will rather be happier you secretly kill or abort a child and come back to the front roll next Sunday and shout “glory hallelujah” as if nothing happened. But a church that makes you see a “child from a forgivable act” as an abomination should not be a good environment for you and your child. You may not like it but whether you do or not, nobody goes to or stays at a place where they are disliked. Well, I wouldn’t.



Nobody says churches should encourage promiscuity, sin or wrongdoing. Whether they think shaming people deters others from same acts; or accepting, loving and supporting them encourages others into same acts…whichever way they look at it, the ultimate should be doing what Jesus would have done. No good parent teaches or encourages his/her children to be promiscuous, but when they go wayward (because one can never rule out that possibility, even God or Jesus wouldn’t), what do good parents do?


Nonetheless, whatever the failings of the church, may God grant grace that we flee fornication so we would not have to deal with all the negatives of unmarried pregnancies.




© Mark Gadogbe (McApple)

Marriage & Personal Development Author


29 thoughts on “Unmarried sex and pregnancy

  1. I love this post!!! So much truth in one post. I enjoy how you create the balance…avoid fornication yet the church shouldn’t condemn the parents or child born out of wedlock!

    Some apt truth…

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Very true.
      It’s just sad how the church’s attitude gives people the preference for abortion. We’ve become too religious that we lose our common sense sometimes.
      God help us.
      Thanks for sharing your thoughts 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

    1. You’re very right.
      Society is really messed up…and if the church behaves same way as the rest of society then there surely is little hope. We must really send prayers to God for His church so hope can at least be restored.
      God bless you for sharing your thoughts with me. Really appreciate it 🙂


  2. I love this post! I am not pregnant nor do I have kids but i am living with my boyfriend. The list goes on on why I moved in with him. Basically the counselor of his church talked to me about it and I told her what God was telling me and she basically said God wasnt speaking to me the way i thought and threw a bunch of bible verses at me. In my opinion, this is a very sad way to talk about God since he talks to everyone differently. Needless to say, that is the reason i dont go to church nor talk to other people about my experience with God because of the judgements I get and basically told how I dont know anything. It is helpful to know that there are similar views out there on why one should be cautious before settling into a church family nowadays! Thank you!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I tried making a long comment but for some reason its not showing it uploaded. If it shows up then I guess I am double commenting haha.

    I agree with you on this! It seems that becoming a bigger part of the church other than a sunday church attendee suddenly puts people at a higher rank than others. I got told my a church counselor how God was not saying to me what I thought he was & got bible verses thrown at me. All because I moved in with my boyfriend. Then I was told how God will punish me by making the relationship a bad one. I just thought how silly that sounded and who are we to judge God’s work anyways? We are all sinners here. And God speaks to everyone in different ways.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi celinatalk,

      You sure double commented. Haha. Sorry about that dear and sorry for the long response.

      Sincerely, I do appreciate your thoughts and thanks a lot for sharing your experience. Sorry about how the Church’s reaction to you living with your boyfriend makes you feel. I believe you are not alone in this, and God is in it with you and will help you through as I can perceive that you have a heart for God and a desire to please Him.
      It is true what you said that God talks to everyone differently and relates with all of us differently (our experiences of God in our lives are so different and diverse, and is unique to us). God sure speaks to all of us no matter our situation or where we find ourselves.

      God looks at the heart and He alone will truly understand why moving in with your boyfriend was possibly your only or best option. I trust that you two love each other very much and will work on getting married soon. If he is wiling to take you in, I strongly believe he would love to and see wisdom in getting legally married to you soon. Don’t do it because you want to get the church or negative judgements off your back but because you feel it is the right thing to do.

      Do not feel let down by the attitude of the church counselor. Sometimes I feel like they don’t want to reason through and address people’s peculiar issues and all they want to take pride in is to throw Bible verses here and there. I sometimes say, if their problem is that they don’t want to see people live together before they marry, why don’t they help them get married then as long as the people are willing to? Assuming you do not have enough finances to rent your own apartment, would the church be happier rather that you live on the streets instead of with your boyfriend?

      I know a number of Christian couples that due to some challenges, living together became a temporal option, whilst they worked on getting married to “fulfill all righteousness”. What’s important however is to try to eliminate sexual union from the relationship as that mainly is the fear of the church, hence their apprehension and tendency to negatively judge. In place of judging, the church or it’s counselors should rather encourage people or offer advice in the spirit of love and not condemnation. That’s because the point is sometimes made that how would the Church know/trust that two people who are not living together are not sexually involved and so makes them better or more righteous than those who are living together?

      That goes to say that living together in itself shouldn’t be the problem and doesn’t necessarily mean people are sleeping with each other and so be negatively judged. Even if they are, all they need is to be prayed for and helped as best as they could. It’s not right when you don’t offer help but only condemn.

      I pray you continue to go to church nonetheless because we need to continuously hear the word of God to build our faith and to transform us…until we are perfected and conformed to the image of Christ. If the two of you going to the same church increases the judgement, possibly you can consider going to separate churches.

      All the best to you two and never stop seeking God.

      Liked by 2 people

  4. Wow, intriguing post. I’m sure I could write a book, but I won’t. LOL. This saddens me. It’s unfortunate that SOME , not ALL churches conduct themselves in this manner. However, we have to realize “WE” ARE THE CHURCH– sinners. We all sin and fall short of the glory of God. You are right when you speak about MAN. Never put anyone on a pedestal, not even your pastor, bishop, or clergy. When or if they fall, it makes one bitter & turn against “the church.” And sometimes Christ. No church should condemn anyone. The church is to love everyone no matter the sin. Now, will “the church” pass judgment? Sure, because “the church is filled with HUMANS-who are not perfect. Is it right? No and yes. No, if its condemning, gossipping, and pointing the finger. Yes, if it’s to correct in love. Ok, see. I lied, I guess I sinned because I AM writing a book. LOL. I am passionate about my Christian walk. I am passionate about the love of Christ. I’m unsure if this is your personal testimony or a general testimony, but no one should feel this way within a body of believers. Just remember, the church is like a hospital. Most People are there to get well. Love them too. I don’t get mixed up in church drama. I go to praise and worship God. I go to serve the Lord. Then, I keep it moving. My best. Love the post btw. 💟

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Absolutely great remarks.
      I appreciate it a lot.
      Your perspective is just apt.
      You sure should write that book 😉…will surely be a lovely read.
      I bless God for your life for Christ. May He always reward your commitment. 🙏
      BTW, it’s not my personal testimony but testimony of others.
      God bless!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Ty for the response. Yes, that book is forthcoming. Everyone has a book imside of them, but most leave this life wirhout telling or sharing their story. Sincere Blessings always 🥉

        Liked by 1 person

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