Marriage: a field of openness and accountability 

​A healthy relationship or marriage requires honesty in all things!

In marriage, your partner has every right to have access to your phone; and in fact, investigate whatever they want on it. It’s just not always recommended because of not wanting to encourage or breed unnecessary suspicious behaviours towards each other as couples. But the simple truth is that marriage is a field of openness and truthfulness.

A part of marriage means or involves accountability. If you don’t want to be accountable to your spouse then you don’t need marriage. I don’t see why you would want marriage yet not want to be accountable to your partner. 

The moment you decide to marry, you are saying you want to be responsible and you’re giving your partner exclusive rights to information on every detail of your life. Every action of yours affects your marriage, as such, it is every partner’s duty to keep the other in check. If you don’t want that, then you simply have to remain single because you can’t be married and still have singleness attitudes and mindsets.  

Singles are only accountable onto themselves but once married, you are accountable to each other. The marriage vow enjoins you to. 

Our accountability in marriage is not only in the eyes of God but also to our spouses; as such, you must not resent being checked by your spouse. 

The trademark of a strong Godly marriage is complete openness; a relationship where couples can talk freely about absolutely everything. If you are faithful, there is no reason to want to hide anything. What at all is on your phone that you are hiding from being seen by your spouse?

Some may say one’s partner may see something that may trigger mistrust but the point is, trust never happens in a vacuum. It’s based on actions…always! I can never wake up one day and just start trusting someone. I must see evidences of your actions over a period of time to conclude on trusting you. And who said trust is a one time thing? It never is. It is constantly being assessed and daily renewed. 

If a partner thinks once you marry, trust must just be there automatically, I don’t want to marry such a person. You need to continuously prove to me that I can trust you and I can never do that without genuine openness and accountability for your actions. 

So yes, If I chance on something unpleasant or suspicious on your phone, there is something called explanation, clearing of doubts or putting things in their right context. It’s only people who don’t want to be accountable that don’t like being questioned. And for me, once you don’t want to be accountable and subject yourself to scrutiny, then you are a questionable marriage material. Even Jesus Christ says he will judge us so we must be accountable and if that’s cool with us, then it must be cool that we are accountable to our marriage or partners. 

The simple truth is that in marriage, both of you need to take joint responsibility for how the marriage is doing. How do you do that when you want to keep some things a no-go area? 

Share your thoughts with us. 

©Mark Gadogbe (McApple), 2017

Marriage & Personal Development Author 

10 thoughts on “Marriage: a field of openness and accountability 

  1. I’m not sure about this one. I think sometimes we lose individuality in a marriage, and part of that is believing that we must always be joined. I do agree that if there’s nothing to hide, then sharing devices shouldn’t be an issue, but at the same time, it’s not always about hiding something. Sometimes it’s just about feeling a sense of individuality with and through your hobbies and personal belongings.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. That’s an interesting angle dear. I sincerely appreciate your honest opinion on the subject.
      I do believe in not losing one’s individuality in marriage and finding a balance between personal interests and common interests. In fact, I advocate that couples encourage each other to pursue their personal interests though not at the expense of the marital union.
      I agree that it’s not always about hiding something and that the mobile phone is in itself a personal and private item.
      I however just feel (and this is just personal opinion) that in the exercise of our individuality in a marital union which requires complete honesty and faithfulness, we must be just cautious with how we create “no-go areas”. Where there’s complete understanding by both partners about respecting each others private space, they are both (and the marriage) better for it. Without complete understanding, it creates unnecessary tension and comes back to hurt a beautiful union.
      It sincerely is one of the areas couples are encouraged to talk about, know each others stance on and be sure they can respect the “no-go areas” before agreeing to marriage as everybody is allowed to feel differently about it.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. That’s very true dear!
        Love is truly electric when two strong happy individuals join forces and truly understand each other on even very sensitive issues.
        Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
        God bless! 🙏

        Like

  2. I agree! I believe that cellphones should be operated with an Open Door Policy within a marriage. Trust is necessary, yes, but if your spouse, your life partner doesn’t give you their lock code or want you to see messages, maybe that’s a red flag.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Very true. I appreciate your opinion on this. Trust is indeed a necessity and must not exclude the aspect of open access to each others phones.
      Could be a possible red flag as you rightly pointed…unless both partners are in agreement to keeping that aspect of their life a “no go” zone.

      Like

    1. Aww! I’m very glad to hear that.
      It means a lot. The feeling is mutual cos I learn from your blog posts as well.
      Keep up the great work and thanks for reading my dear.
      God bless! 🙏

      Like

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