Needs and red flags

The very core of marriage is about meeting the needs of each other. That’s the very foundation. Destabilize that and then marriage is as good as dead. No amount of prayer will meet a man or a woman’s physical needs…at most, it will meet their spiritual needs.

The tragedy with being too spiritual is that you believe marriage is a spiritual union and so you give little attention to physical things…you think everything physical is carnal to you. Marriage may be spiritual but it is lived 100% of the time in the physical.

No marriage can survive, no matter how much you pray, without the physical and emotional needs of both partners being met. The problem sometimes is that, as our marriage evolves, we stop asking the critical questions of what our partners needs could be at every phase of the marriage. We assume we are meeting their needs but sadly, we actually may not.

Everybody changes and same with our needs. Yesterday’s needs could be totally different from today’s needs. A successful marriage is one that makes a conscious effort to continually carry out a needs assessment of the players in the marriage as the years go by. It’s not enough to only assess your needs just before marriage; it’s equally important within the marriage, year in year out.

I came across a beautiful piece by Joy Ehonwa and the second paragraph is what’s so important to me!

Joy Ehonwa wrote:

“Some marry for love and wish they hadn’t attached so much importance to it and married “sensibly” instead. Others make practical choices and later wish they had held out for love. There are no guarantees to this thing.

What sucks is underestimating the power of who you really are, and marrying someone who is unable to provide what you need, eyes wide open.

People who do this are normal people like you and me. They often suspect before the wedding that they’re short-changing themselves, and so they avoid discussing the contract.

Affection is a vital need for Ayo, but she marries a man who is aloof, because he has money and can give her the good life.

The prayer team leader doesn’t stir Dave as a lover should, but she would be a good accessory to his pastoral ministry so he goes ahead and marries her.

Nkechi needs quality time to thrive, but she marries a man who is always travelling, because time is running out and she needs to settle down.

Love is delicious – I’m a huge fan – but it is never enough to sustain a marriage. Why can’t we tell ourselves the truth about what we really need, what we can give up, what we can live without, what we can offer, and marry accordingly?”

Read that? What a beautiful piece. Guess it’s fair to say life is all about choices and we must either make the right ones or blame no one when we make the wrong ones. In serious retrospect, you would have realized you could have avoided the many pitfalls you are probably in now but you chose to ignore the red flags and treated your decisions lightly.

The lesson in here is probably to know that when it comes to marriage, you don’t make light your decisions…even though it is a chance we are all taking and just hoping for the best outcome.

…………………………………………………………

Till next time, do share your thoughts with us. We all could learn a thing or two, so don’t hold your thoughts. 😊

©Mark Gadogbe (McApple), 2018

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5 thoughts on “Needs and red flags

  1. I believe that the pressure society puts on us to get married causes people to marry for the wrong reasons a lot of times. Many of us do not even understand how we liked to be loved. Many times it is not that your partner doesn’t love you, but instead expresses love in a way that is not satisfying to you. I believe in the existence of love language. Such as verbal communication, there can be barriers if we choose not to learn our lover’s love language.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Couldn’t agree more! Truly, love language is very vital to the success of every love relationship…how else would you say you are in love with someone if you can’t even figure out what communicates love to them.
      I appreciate your openness on the subject. God bless 🙏

      Liked by 1 person

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