Mothers and Wives…

Quickest Way To Start A Conflict In Your Home On Mothers’ Day:
When you as the man of the house go about posting, flaunting and flooding the social media space with your mum’s images and think less of doing same with your wife’s…the mother of your kids. Then you come to say that’s the job of her own kids to wish her; it’s mothers’ day, not wives day, etc. Whoever sold out that mentality to some of you men lied to you and only wants your downfall.

Women (Wife’s) don’t play like that bro! Do not say I did not warn you 😊

Happy Mothers’ Day to all the gorgeous women in our lives. We see all the sacrifice and we can’t thank you enough. Without you, we (men) are incomplete and the home is surely a wreck without you. Be proud of yourselves!

©Mark Gadogbe (McApple), 2019

Advertisements

Saints to temptation

Temptations prove our humanness. It is common to man. That’s why we say during the Lord’s Prayer “…and lead us not into temptation“.

But when your mess is out, know that everybody else around you will behave like a saint. Even many “men of God” behave like saints until they fall in one temptation or the other, then the story changes. Only then they realize they are humans after all.

Dr. Kim Kimberling puts it rightly: “Temptation is not a sin. Don’t forget that Jesus was tempted. Every person is vulnerable. Anytime you think you are not, you take the first step toward a fall”.

Marriage exists because sex exists?

There is a saying that many hold as true that “marriage exists because sex exists” and I’ve been trying to wrap my head around it.

Does that expression mean that many of us wouldn’t marry or even consider marriage if not for sex? Does that make marriage a “way of escape” so one can have their “hot and holy sex” devoid of the guilt of sin?

But how come then that many people marry so they can have “unlimited opportunity or access” to free, uninhibited, holy or guilt-free sex only to get stuck in the reality that sex even happens frustratingly less often in marriage than they expected? Is it sane then to just bluntly recommend marriage to young people struggling to control their sexual urges, drives and appetites as if marriage really will solve their problem?

I have heard countless testimonies or should I say confessions of people who MARRIED FOR SEX and ended up becoming more miserable than before. There are sad stories of people who could not even express their sexual freedom in marriage, which apparently was supposed to be the realm where they could have all the sex they want, but now rather feel imprisoned by it because they have to literally “beg” their spouse before they could even get some sex.

Talk of the frequently unmatched libidos, work schedules, stress levels and the countless reasons partners give to avoid sex on the regular, it becomes detestable to some Christians that they no longer have authority over their own bodies (biblically) to even explore other ways of sexual satisfaction except to wait on their partner until they are in the mood to offer sex.

Many have begged the question “why should one be left literally at the mercy of another in marriage to have their sexual needs being met?” To force oneself on one’s partner even when your sexual needs are not being met will be totally condemned as insensitive, emotional abuse and worse case, rape (which is a chargeable offense). To satisfy oneself outside the marriage is even worse and a complete no no! Why not just have sex with oneself (masturbate) then for all the reasons one can find…to avoid the temptation of infidelity, to avoid forcing yourself on your spouse, to avoid constant arguments over sex or becoming a bother to your spouse, etc?

You may have very justifiable reasons to go the option of “sexing oneself” and that may solve some of your sexual problems but does that even make it right or is that even a safe zone in marriage? What about the risks of it becoming an addictive habit and making you desire even your spouse less and less? What about that which was supposed to be a temporal solution or alternative option in the end becoming a bigger problem than the actual lack of regular sex? Can you even openly discuss that with your spouse and would your even “unavailable, busy or uninterested in sex spouse” give their approval or interpret it as equal to cheating? Are you willing to risk breaking your marriage if your partner should chance on you “enjoying yourself”?

Christian views on the subject are even so varied and confusing if you want to convince yourself whether self-pleasure is right or wrong in marriage. Even the mere question of whether sex is a need for survival like food that one cannot do without, the Christian community cannot agree on, and you want to have just one right or wrong answer on that very sensitive subject of self-pleasure? 🤔😊

That’s just by the way, but more seriously, with all the sexual issues that throng marriages and many times wreck it, is it still fair to say MARRIAGE EXISTS BECAUSE SEX EXISTS? Is it still sane to encourage people to marry and then all their sexual needs will be solved?

Well, these seem more like rhetorical questions but more so, an evidence of my mental struggles anytime I try to read wide to keep an open mind or to broach certain subjects. 🤣🙊🙈

Thanks for reading. Do share your thoughts…we learn as we share.

©Mark Gadogbe (McApple), 2019

Believe in the concept of YOU

We’re all immeasurably awesome…just the way we are. Believe in yourself. Believe in the concept of you; not the concept of others.

People will always want to force their concepts on you, telling you at every turn the “acceptable way” of living your own life. They have made themselves “experts” in people’s personal lives and personal choices.
What they don’t like, they want you not to like. What they are not comfortable doing they want you to accept as the normal or acceptable way of doing things.

But always be reminded God never asked their permission before bringing you to this world; and their permission or validation is not needed for anything you do. It’s God’s validation that matters at the end of the day. So, stick to God and keep doing you…as long as you’re comfortable with YOU.

©Mark Gadogbe (McApple), 2019

Bitter spouses…is there not always a cause?

It’s surprising sometimes how we are able to always find time for every other thing or people in our lives except our spouses. We easily neglect our responsibilities to them claiming they should understand if they love us. They should understand we are busy for a reason. We’re busy caring about everybody and everything else which when taken out of our life or lost, would contribute far less to our depression and insanity than our marriage.

Image source: @emmel_concepts

Fast forward and there’s a case of someone else or something else getting more of our spouse’s attention and we become bitter and defensive. Are we bitter for shirking our responsibilities and pushing them beyond their limit or boundaries in the union or it just must always be the fault of the other, justified or not? We forget people always understand and bear with us until a point where they can’t bear it anymore. How often do we think about our partner’s limits…how much they can take until they can take no more?

Everybody’s got their limits and no matter how much they love you, there’s a limit to how much they can cope or live with any situation. Oh no, it’s not only about bad stuff. There are men who can’t handle too much love or affection from a woman. They begin to feel like they are babies to their partners. There are men (and maybe women) who equally can’t stand too much attention or pampering from their partners. Sometimes it’s sad that we can spend so many years with a person and know very little about them because we always just go with the flow and never pause to ponder things…until something happens.

Could you be humble enough to admit that the breakdown in your spouse’s affection towards you could be self-inflicted? Is there not a cause for your spouse’s bitterness, changed attitude, ill behavior, addiction, low/unmatched sex drive, broken friendship, lost vibes, etc. and have you stopped to think about it?

We wait too long for things to blow in our face before we look ourselves in the mirror.

©Mark Gadogbe (McApple), 2019

Never argue with your Pastor

It is very easy these days to find a lot of Bible verses and passages being misrepresented or taken out of context by modern day Charismatic Preachers who attach a lot of gimmicks and “gymnastics” to their preaching just to excite the crowd. And a lot of unsuspecting members just follow everything that comes out of a Preacher’s mouth as the undiluted truth from God without any effort of exercising personal discernment.

We follow blindly especially in these days of social media craze that most men of God are now more concerned with amassing a large following than preaching the right messages. Sadly, if you’re in a Church that you don’t follow your Pastor / Preacher on social media or share their posts, you’re seen and treated more as not a friend of the Church or man of God. Our attachment and focus is more now towards the men of God and promoting them than Christ Himself or living lives that reflect Christ. They are gradually leading and defining our lives more than God (Christ); we now so easily do things to please them rather than Christ…thinking by pleasing them we are by extension pleasing God in all cases.

And the disposition of some of the men of God is so amazing that you wonder exactly enters people when they have been “called by God”. Because you have the opportunity of a congregation to preach to as a servant of God, you think everybody else in the congregation doesn’t know anything. You think you’re the only one endowed with the right kind of heavenly knowledge and should always be right. The church setting sometimes surprises me because one person shares a message and everybody is expected to agree with it…no questions asked. Take the message, swallow it hook, line and sinker and if you have a problem with it, go argue with your Bible…and not the one disseminating it. Express too much opposing views and you’ll be tagged not matured in Christ or asked where your “Doctor of Theology Degree” is. 😂

Back in the days when question and answer times were allowed during teaching services, you still are not allowed to make arguments that puts the “All-knowing Preacher” in a position of not having all the facts after all. When all else fails, they will ask you “do you argue with your Boss at your work place”? Well, then you can’t argue with a “man of God” or object to anything he does because they hear direct from God and you don’t. Just like the secular Bosses…they are always right. Spiritual Bosses…so cool 😎.

I hope they hold our hands and take us to Heaven instead of we working out our own salvation. 😊

©Mark Gadogbe (McApple), 2019

The church has lost it

We have said it a billion times!
Our churches have lost it!
Both the “sane” and “insane” churches
Our people both literate and illiterate have lost it too!
In the name of spirituality…we have all lost it!
We have argued many times
How far church discipline should go
We have argued a billion times
Where the Churches assumed role of “parenting” ends
We have raised it a million times
How church “membership” ought to be defined
And where the church’s “authority” over its “members” ends
We have voiced out a thousand times
How non-ethical our church leaders are operating
How manipulative and cunning they have become
How the main purpose of the Church has shifted
How “secular” our churches have become
How we can no longer differentiate
Church from a Business or Secular Organization, etc
But for fear of being labelled “carnal”
And put in some particular stereotypes
And for how wrongly we have been brainwashed
In interpreting the “touch not my anointed…” scriptures
The “it is God speaking through me” gimmicks
That makes us take every message/direction from the pulpit
Hook, line and sinker!
We ourselves have become unwise and “stupid” followers
How brainwashed we have become
How undiscerning we have become
How dead in our spirits we have become
Because we do not know the Bible for ourselves
Because we fail to realize
Our lives are not sold out to churches to do as they please
Our lives are to be led by Christ and not the Church
Church leading you and Christ leading you…
There’s a whole lot of difference!
The day you know…you will be liberated!

©Mark Gadogbe (McApple), 2019

Our differences are still beautiful

My wife’s patience when dealing with people lasts only a day or two (tops) because she hates disappointments. Golden rule with her: if you can’t fulfil a promise to her, don’t make it. She can’t keep hoping that you will hold the end of the bargain and she hates to see the “monster” in her come out because of a failed promise.

My patience can last years…not that I love disappointments but I tend to give people far too many chances, making excuses for them whiles they hurt me (intentionally or otherwise). That’s my greatest weakness ever and people have exploited me in so many ways because of that.

She hates me for that and i love her for her own weakness too 😂.
We’re such a great team 😊💪

©Mark Gadogbe (McApple), 2019

Sex is the spice of marriage 

A sexless or sex-starved marriage is a suffering marriage…it’s not marriage at play at all. It can at best be described as FRIENDSHIP at play.

Per Bible standards or rules of Christianity, SEX is what differentiates married people from unmarried people. Sex is virtually the only thing prohibited for the unmarried or let me put it this way, friends can do everything married people do except to engage in sexual intercourse.

So, what’s the point being married and not having sex on the regular? This is not to say marriage is all about sex…I’m addressing sexless or sex-starved marriage.

Sex is what separates the boys from the men…if you want to put it in a funny way. Friendship is good in marriage but it should never take the place of sex.

Regular sex in a marriage makes God happy because it solves a lot of problems in the marriage. Couples are happier in a marriage where sex is not lacking…and the devil is always defeated.

The devil’s main goal is to see couples not connect, knowing very well intimacy is a strong bond in marriage. He will get you to fight, disagree on sex, not want sex, not enjoy it and not want to even try harder. Meanwhile remember “a great sex life requires effort”. Once you stop trying, the devil wins.

Sex is an indicator of love whether you like it or not. Can you have sex with someone you don’t love or have mutual connection with? Yes! But at best, that will be described as abuse or rape at worse.

I believe all things being equal, any man or woman who is sexually satisfied will not leave his or her marriage.

It is said that when a man or woman is sexually satisfied, they are more emotionally stable.

It is also said sex is not only for making children so you should never let the children rob you of a satisfying sexual life. Be mindful that the sex preceded the children.

And be sure to note that in marriage, any time you give needless excuses for sex, the devil wears a silly grin of victory. 😊

OK, that should be enough for today. Hope you’ll also share your thoughts with us. Cheers!

©Mark Gadogbe (McApple), 2019

Sharing about our lives

Some people believe in not sharing anything about their life with others. Well, sometimes you never learn any new thing doing that and you never get to be of help or be a mentor to anyone by doing that.

As we share part of our lives with others, we impart knowledge, life experiences, and we learn both ways. A word from someone can reorient your life, make you do some re-evaluation and put you back in line with your goals.

But that does not also mean you should welcome or entertain every voice, else you get confused because people always have something they want to say and are just looking for who to say it to. You need to know what you want and work with that.

©Mark Gadogbe (McApple), 2019