Chasing girls…

Chasing a lady is a very a nice feeling…until she gets pregnant for you when you both are not ready! Then all your youthful adrenalin will be channeled into weightier matters by force; matters like facing yourselves, facing your families, facing the church, facing societal judgments, facing the economy (especially if you’re not financially sound).

Everything changes from then on. I bet the same sweetness “down south” you were chasing and couldn’t resist before she got pregnant, if now they open it for you freely to “have your way”, you won’t even have the energy or mental fortitude to perform as the “Pro” that you are known to be.

Good news is, you sure may survive all that comes with it in the end, but because you have not planned for it, it surely will drain you too. A pregnancy scare or surprise outside of marriage can surely drain life itself out of just anybody…it can be a very tough emotional feeling.

Growing up as a boy, a seemingly funny story was used to “educate” some of us on the subject of chasing girls. The story is told of a young girl who got pregnant and didn’t know the boy who was responsible. There were a lot of guys that apparently “serviced” her. Her very strict father matched her from guy to guy with a spoon in hand. Any of the guys who denied being the one responsible for her pregnancy was given the spoon to fetch out their portion of the semen they deposited in her. If you can’t, you know what awaits you. 😊

I guess it’s always fun…until somebody get hurt, huh?

©Mark Gadogbe (McApple), 2018

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The Christian Marriage Vow

On being for or against the Christian vow:

I’ve said it many times just like we’ve been taught many times…that ideally, Christian marriages are supposed to be the best model of marriage out there.

But then again, the thing with Christian marriages is the temptation to take each other for granted because of the vow we make to God to never leave. At the back of our minds, we know that as long as the issue does not have to do with infidelity, we are not allowed to leave the marriage. So, we take advantage of that and stop being very loving and caring in so many ways…in so many little things that rather end up meaning so much that they can shake the very foundation of the union.

We endure so much abuses and neglect in our Christian marriages because we just can’t stand up and leave. The vow has bound us to all the silly, stupid, irresponsible actions and attitudes of our partners…and wickedly, many people before marriage hide that hellish aspect of their miserable lives until after the vow, then they set sail and begin showing their horrible character. We end up therefore on the most part just enduring our marriages instead of enjoying it.

On the one hand, the vow keeps things sane because without it, everybody will just walk out at the slightest wrong, discomfort or unmet needs; leaving the family unit irreparably broken. On the other hand, it’s just a mess…enduring all the unthinkable until God Himself comes back to save your sorry ass.

Possibly, this situation stems from a wrong understanding of the vow, but sadly, that’s the practice of the vow in most Christian marriages. If only they would but tell you the glamour you see on the outside (even in Church) is only a cover up for a slowly decaying marriage, will you even believe it?

(PS: if you want to exercise the slightest thought of me being against Christian marriages, stop right there and go back to sleep 😜).

©Mark Gadogbe (McApple), 2018

Dear God…

Dear God,
Today you blessed me with just little when I was expecting much.
And because I had hoped and trusted You for a fat blessing,
I complained more than I should have thanked you.
I complained because I compared my blessings with that of others.
And I couldn’t understand why you blessed them more than I.
And I couldn’t stop asking the usual “why, why” questions,
And making little jokes out of the situation just to make me feel good.
Now I realized I have behaved childishly.
So teach me as I onward bound…
To accept even the least of your blessings with the greatest of gratitude!!
Sorry Lord…and thank you!
For always being THE BEST!!!

Withholding sex as punishment

Here’s what someone said to a friend who was denying her partner sex or withholding sex as punishment for some frivolous reasons:

“Better go sleep with your husband before someone else ends up sleeping with him! Unless you don’t want the marriage anymore, then it doesn’t matter; but if you do, babe run fast and go sleep with him like your life depends on it!”

The recipient of the message was so unhappy that the friend didn’t think about her feelings, or what her husband might have done but only to scare her and make it look like it’s her fault or sex just can’t be used as a reward for doing good.

But truth is, the friend had faced that sad experience before and was just saying the hard truth: withholding sex to get the good out of a spouse does not always work and can blow up in your face. Sex can be used as a reward for doing good but it also shouldn’t! Sex in marriage isn’t supposed to be optional. Neither is it supposed to be used as punishment.

Like it or not, the reality is that someone somewhere is always desiring your spouse and nursing the thought of sleeping with your spouse, and when you give them the chance out of negligence, they will. Oh yes, they will! And it will happen so fast before you realize it. When you play the loose with your spouse and they run dry on emotional satisfaction, you are only just slowly pushing them into the arms or bed of another.

Emotional detachment is something you must prevent in your marriage at all cost because you run the risk of losing your spouse once that connection fizzles out. And for many out there, it doesn’t matter to them whether it’s for a short spell, a day or two; if they get your spouse, they will seduce them with torrents of all that you are not giving them just to snatch them from you.

Sometimes, withholding from someone what’s fundamental to his/her survival can blow up in your face because they will always get it one way or the other. If respect is fundamental to a man and you withhold it, he will automatically seek it from or be easily drawn to another who offers it.

People are naturally attracted to and crave what they like and not what they dislike. Human beings love sex and crave it…and till eternity, people will always be tempted by it. That’s just the truth. This is something their life depends on and it makes them vulnerable to the extent that they could potentially go against their will to have it elsewhere when you refuse to offer it. They are not addicted to sex; it’s just a basic need for their well-being and survival. You say sex is not for survival? A billion marriages die from the lack of it, hello?

So, what’s the point? It’s simple: punish with anything but not with sex. Punish with anything but not that which is fundamental to a spouse’s survival.

©Mark Gadogbe (McApple), 2018

No justification for cheating? 

“I am married to a preacher. I love him, but he’s hardly home. Preaching assignments here and there. The little time we get to be together too is always ruined by visitors and phone calls from Church members and their ’wahala’. Dave, I can’t even compete for his attention, let alone, time. That’s why I am having an affair with my Ex-boyfriend. At least, he sees me.”

This thing eh. Extremists say there is never any justification for cheating and someone who truly loves you will never cheat on you no matter what. Eh? Be there and be talking big grammar. 😊

Me, I always say whether cheating is justifiable or not does not take away the fact that there are plenty of “good reasons” why people cheat which must never be overlooked or made light of.

It may not make sense to you, but it made sense to them enough to even consider the possibility of cheating on you (maybe grace kept yours from going all the length so don’t boast). What is so trivial to you is not that trivial to somebody o. No human being takes neglect or abuse (of any kind) forever. It gets to a point where enough becomes enough, and no matter all the scriptures you quote…there’s no turning back for them. That’s how sensitive a human beings’ needs are.

Keep trivializing things in your marriage/relationship and keep taking for granted the balance between physical/emotional needs and spiritual needs.

This thing is some way o. I’ve seen a lot of “hard tongue speaking busy for God people” whose life became miserable after the marriage they took for granted, giving all their time to God’s work, began to shake. One will wonder in the end, if their marriage was that equally important to them before they kept relegating it to the background and kept quoting a million scriptures and reasons to keep their partners sacrificing and sacrificing and sacrificing. To what end, only God knows.

I’m not against doing God’s work or winning the whole world for God or any other good paying secular work for that matter. I’m all about creating a good balance in life because even Bible is against a false balance. And I’m all against abusing marriage in the name of doing God’s work and trying to justify it.

If the reason why you keep putting everything else above your marriage or partner’s needs is good enough justification for you, then their reason for cheating on you (or leaving you) because their needs are not being met should be equally good enough justification for them. Who’s the judge of what’s justifiable to a person?

Yes, I’m not for cheating and neither am I a fan of that blunt lose talk or phrase “there can never be any justification for cheating“. Action and reaction has long been a proven fact of life. So is the saying “you reap what you sow”. You can’t reap a good infidelity-free marriage/relationship if you don’t give it good enough time and effort it requires to safeguard it. You can’t boast of well trained children when you don’t stay present in their life to play your parental roles.

Why marry when you know you can’t have or make enough time for it. Nothing takes our time except we allow it to. It is we that made ourselves busy and we have the choice to always undo that at will. If you don’t want to, be willing to pay the price for it, after all, every choice in life comes at a cost.

So stop making all that noise about, when someone cheats on you, then it means they don’t love you. It’s not a general or universal rule, so don’t make it one. Even Jesus we proclaim our undying love for but we keep sinning against Him. We keep “cheating” on Jesus and breaking His heart 😊. Probably they loved you to bits but you took it all for granted, refusing to change and still expect them to be there. So yes, some will cheat on you and still be there…even after all our sins we don’t break off from Jesus, do we? 😊. Oh, that’s different? How different?

Some people will leave you so fast, others will wait on you for so long, but in the end, everybody moves on or away from anything toxic or that which makes them constantly unhappy. Even Jesus will throw you into Hell eventually if you constantly keep breaking His heart and not repenting 😊.

It doesn’t matter how long it takes, they will eventually move. So if your pride is that your partner has been tolerating your “stupidity” for so long and haven’t left or cheated yet, it’s just a matter of time. Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you, but ever seen marriages that break after so many years; 10, 20, 30 years? You will wonder wonder what happened after all those years. You think human beings tolerate nonsense forever? 😜

©Mark Gadogbe (McApple), 2018

Wealth without Christ

He reminded me of the worthlessness of wealth 

And the pricelessness of love in the eyes of eternity 

All his money hadn’t put a smile on his face

All his possessions hadn’t given him peace

All his wealth hadn’t filled his heart with happiness or brought meaning to his life

He seemed lost, separated from love, and separated from God

He was trapped in a golden cage and didn’t even know it.

Oh Dear!

Time and chance… 

Today we are nobody; tomorrow we will be somebody.

Today people don’t love us for who we are; tomorrow they would wish they had loved us. 

It will be to their regret; to us a joy to know that the best revenge is making people come to know they have made a mistake with us…that we are worth so much more than their price tag.

Time changes! Life is all that matters. Nothing is as valuable as life.

And as long as we have life, we’ll keep hoping; we’ll keep believing; we’ll keep channelling our energies into positive things!

That’s the only way we would be successful. 

We won’t lose our heads over those who want nothing to do with us today; we would channel that energy into something more productive, that adds value to our lives, that makes our lives much better and much happier!

God is such a good God and He’s got us all on good footing! He’s proud of who you are and He’s building you for a glorious future! Focus on Him! 

©Mark Gadogbe (McApple), 2018

Too many voices cloud our decisions 

Electrically speaking, the earth can be a very noisy place. Overhead power lines, electric substations, railroad tracks, various signal transmitters and many other sources contribute to signal noise found in any given location. Harmonics, 60 Hz background noise,  and magnetic field coupling can distort the measurement signal, resulting in apparent readings that are larger or deviate by an order of magnitude from normal. Selecting equipment with electronic packages capable of discriminating between these signals is critical

So it is with us humans too. There are always so many voices in our head on a daily basis that influences our decisions and choices in life. 

For almost every decision a man takes in life, he has to battle and differentiate between the voices from the devil, from God himself, from the church, from family and friends, from random people in society and possibly voices from colleagues and superiors at work, etc. 

Just for a moment, consider just about how many voices a man or a woman listens to or has to listen to in the choice of a life partner. Trust me, they are so many. And that’s just one in a million life choices or decisions. 😊

Learning to make the right decision in life is never easy and learning to listen to your own inner voice or even the voice of God is increasingly difficult with all the myriad of influences. 

No wonder many times we make a lot of “forgiveable mistakes” because we get confused trying to listen to everybody’s opinion or to please them. 

It is true that no man is an island so something or someone will definitely influence one’s decisions or choices. It is important nonetheless that we always watch this as we go about life and the decisions we face: Two kinds of people fail in life; those who listen to nobody and those who listen to everybody

It’s never easy but we must always pray for grace to learn to make the right choices at all times, knowing who to listen to and who not to. 

©Mark Gadogbe (McApple), 2018