Marriage is a blessing

God has given you a great blessing in your spouse and in your marriage. God speaks highly of marriage because it is one of His blessings to mankind. 

Focus then on the good in your spouse and marriage, and celebrate. Always celebrate each other! Always! 

At the same time, realize that your marriage is bigger than you and your spouse. So, allow your relationship to also be a blessing to other couples (or even singles if you like). You don’t have to be a marriage “expert” to do this. You can help somebody from your unique experiences in marriage.

Finally, always bear in mind: 

“what’s taken for granted will eventually be taken away; then you end up missing most what you least appreciated”

©Mark Gadogbe (McApple), 2017

My wife; My God-sent Spouse

How a man sees his woman (spouse) affects how he appreciates her. If he sees her as a gift of God to “complete” his life, one without whom his life seems to shift into a kind of unhappy existence, he appreciates her more.

If he sees her as merely a reward of or a trophy won from the sheer display of the best of his wooing skills, he may appreciate her less. It sure will be a fantastic feeling for the woman in the beginning, I believe, but she may soon begin to feel kind of “worthless” especially when the wooing stops after “acquiring” his “prey”.

And every woman I believe longs for a feeling of being “God-sent”, being valuable beyond a man’s ability to just woo or win to his side. She wants to feel divinely chosen for a man to help fulfill the purpose of God in both their lives. She wants to feel as a priceless daughter belonging to God, who cannot just be wooed by a man’s “antics”. She doesn’t want to be just a man’s pride but God’s pride too. She wants to be treated as a serious business, not just one on whom a man tries out his wooing skills. God must be part of her worth to a man; God must be part of the equation of he winning her over to himself. He must not limit her to an acquisition gained out of his own singular effort or exploits.

Chosen_2

That’s the value a woman wants placed on her because that’s the value God places on her. That’s the daily appreciation she wants from her partner (spouse). And she doesn’t want it only when she’s done him good; the unintentional wrongs she’s done him must not negate the true worth God places on her and his appreciation of her.

Your-Spouse-a-Gift-from-God-500

But, if she wants all these, which are true and in reality the real worth God places on her, then she must play well her part also. How? She must settle ONLY for a Godly man; for only a Godly man will see her true worth to him and will daily give glory to God (in her honour) for the rare gift of A GOD-SENT SPOUSE!

So now, if your partner (spouse) has never told you verbally or demonstrated in ways that suggest that you are GOD-SENT, raise eyebrows!

Cheers!

Mark Gadogbe (McApple)

PS: If you like it, keep not! Comment, share…and subscribe!

Image sources:
http://loveumentary.com/you-are-gods-best-gift-to-me/
http://encourageyourspouse.com/spouse-gift-god/
http://reneeswope.com/2013/05/chosen-thats-what-you-are-2/

Marital Emotional Wars

“Men by nature are less emotional than women”

The above is true and most women admit it; at least conceptually.

In practice however, many a man craves his woman really really knows, understands and appreciates how hard he tries to meet her very diverse and unpredictable emotional needs. A woman’s display of emotions sometimes confuses many a man; many times he is lost at sea about what exactly she is trying to communicate. Women are such an emotional tank and I’m sure they don’t sometimes understand themselves and the many different emotions she experiences on a daily basis.

But is it only men who try hardest to meet their partner’s emotional needs or get confused trying to understand a partner’s emotional expressions and relate accordingly? Not so much. On a daily basis, every partner wants the other to get more in touch with his/her emotions…kind of like how their emotions synchronize during sex? The problem is that in many cases, emotions just don’t seem to synchronize that much outside the bedroom. Maybe because couples are just more focused on each other in the bedroom than they do outside the bedroom? Haha!

Emotional differences are such a huge thing though, and on an almost daily basis, men and women fight so many emotional wars in marriage. What happens at the emotional level is very important in every relationship/marriage and that is why the most important thing about any quality time a couple will spend together and that is worth remembering is not the length of time spent itself but whether or not there was an emotional connectivity.

Emotional battles never end in marriage and I do not know yet if couples ever achieve a permanent  “emotional compatibility” status but I think “emotionally intelligent” marriages stay stronger, healthier, happier and maybe longer.

Emotional intelligence? Hmmm, not an easy skill to master…but every relationship/marriage sure needs it! And I can bet, when all is said and done, that one of the joys of relationship/marriage is the privilege of a man and woman, different as they are working through their different emotions and still bonding as a unit.

We can never pray our emotions away. They are a beautiful part of our nature. So like Barbara Rainey said, “we are made in the emotional image of God, so we shouldn’t be afraid of those feelings when they crop up”. Marriage is beautiful…so relax and enjoy the emotional wars! At least it’s not so bloody!

And I think you will need this… just in case:

m1

Cheers!

Mark Gadogbe (McApple)

Appreciate! …And do it verbally!

Some people are not very forthcoming with words…but you can’t build a strong healthy relationship without communicating appreciation verbally. They prefer to hide behind actions to communicate what and how they feel, after all, doesn’t “actions speak louder than words”? Yeah, they do most often…but they also sometimes hide the exact feelings we wish to express or just may not carry as much weight as words.

Sometimes, gratitude that is not expressed by words is just nonexistent. The more you fail to communicate your appreciation verbally the more likely your significant other may feel taken for granted, especially when s/he is not good at reading through your actions. Sometimes it may just be as frustrating as trying to read a person’s mind…so be verbally expressive with your feelings of appreciation. Remember “what’s taken for granted will eventually be taken away; then you end up missing most what you least appreciated”.

Appreciation is a great thing in relationships and must be done very often…even in honour of the little supposedly “insignificant” things. It’s as simple as “when you value someone, you appreciate them”.

When you appreciate your man, he surely will appreciate you in return…it’s like action and reaction, cause and effect. So always find the words to tell him he is a good and hardworking man who tries his best to provide for you and the family and he will surely also not focus on your “irrelevant” flaws. Every man wants an appreciative woman who sees and acknowledges how hard he tries!

Similarly, keep telling her she is the best woman, wife, mother and homemaker and she surely will not also call you unhealthy names that ends up doing so much damage to your ego.

The secret? “A person who feels appreciated will always do more than what is expected”. Your willingness to put it into words is all that is necessary.

You can’t demand or command appreciation in a relationship/marriage when you do not give it yourself.

Learn it and earn it!

But hey, let not thy appreciation be false.

Cheers!

Mark Gadogbe (McApple)