A chance we all take???

Many have been very careful in their choice of partners, yet those same carefully chosen partners became their downfall one way or the other. It still baffles! Still many others threw caution to the wind in their partner choice and through those partners became successful in life. Still baffles! So I’m tempted to say as usual that after all is said and done, “it’s a chance we all take…there are no guarantees because only God knows the future”.

But when God is in it…I believe the percentage of failure is minimal because He will always guide as long as we let Him. A man’s heart always leads him astray. Of course, many at times God has been involved but we still crushed but when you think back it’s almost always the case that someway somehow we did not completely “let go and let God”.

I understand it’s never easy to completely relegate our humanness to the background 100 percent…there’s always that interference. But I guess God is not looking for 100 percent cos that will be like denying our very existence and all the emotions and abilities God himself placed in us; He’s only looking to have the bigger percentage in that life choice and decision.

He just wants to be the biggest shareholder! And He wants to be the centre of every marriage because “except the Lord build the house, they labour in vain that build it” (Psalm 127:1).

Now here is a good place that I will like to take a moment to ponder over this thought; you are welcome to do same:

“What guides my relationship/marriage? What defines it? Where does the biggest percentage go?”

May He grant us Grace!

ONE DAY…

One day we all will get the chance to tell our stories and be a source of hope and inspiration to many.

We will tell them about how rough the road was and that not all happy endings had a happy start. We will tell them what kept us going in the face of adversity and how our many adversities prepared us and shaped us into who we have become and how in solemn reflection we would wish we never had it any other way.

We will tell them how their perceptions and presumptions of our today are flawed by them not knowing of our yesteryears. We will tell them how much more they will see us in a different light and come to appreciate us if only they will be patient enough to read the whole book and not just the summary of our lives.

Till then, we bear no greater agony than the scattered misrepresentations they have given our lives…our untold stories!

Happy marriages

“Happy marriages are rarely the product of chance. They are architectural in that they are intelligently and deliberately planned”

~Dr. Oliver M. Butterfield

RANDOM THOUGHTS ON RIGHT TIME FOR MARRIAGE

Once, I responded to a very interesting question from a young lady on whether it is best to get everything right before settling down with a man. I believe many are still pricked now and then with that thought. My humble answer at the time was that “sometimes the fear and carefulness to get everything right makes one get most things wrong”. Looking back now, over a year since this encounter, I believe strongly that I can still stand by that answer.

I believe in many respects that when it comes to relationships and marriage, it is just a chance we all take…hoping, praying and working for the best outcome. Yes, there isn’t any fast rule or mathematics about it…it’s a chance we all take.

Ok, let me put it simply this way. You want a guy who is so over the top financially sound before you settle down with him, right? Good. But isn’t it also a chance? Or is it a choice? What is the guarantee that two months down the line, your very financially sound and stable man’s world can’t turn upside down? Granted, he must be handsome and well built. Good, but what shows he won’t get crippled and disfigured the next moment? Or, you think many who are crippled and looking “unattractive” today were born like that?

What is the guarantee that the things we look out for today will remain permanent forever? Even the characters we so admire in some men and women and upon which we base many decisions are changing with a little taste of money, attention, career prospect…just name it. Does that say anything about the saying that “the only thing that is permanent in life is change”?

You see, you are blessed if you will look back many years later and still see the same character traits in your partner after so much has changed since settling down. Don’t get me wrong yet. I am not in any way suggesting that you throw away your fanciful list of “the twenty traits I must see in my partner before it works out” for just an “anything goes” list. Of course, plan your life and set high goals for yourself but can you make room for a bit of chance in your life’s plan because things don’t always turn out the way we want or plan it?

Well, at this point I know my religion obsessed readers will come again with the usual “there is nothing like luck or chance in a Christian’s life”. Well, do I look like I care? All I know is over spiritualizing everything clouds the wisdom that God has put in the head of some Christians. Ok, back to my point before I totally deviate because that is a subject for another day.

So let’s look at it this way. You are a lady and you want to get married at 30, but at 25 a good man comes your way…will you take your chances?? He may not meet all the things on your list though…will you? You are a man and you want to settle down at 30 because only then do you see yourself financially stable but at 25 a good woman comes into your life…will u take your chances?? What’s the guarantee that your financial stability won’t even only come at 40? She must be a nurse, but it’s turning out she will be a teacher? Will you go for it?

You see, Grace, Grace and plenty Grace is what we need on that relationship/marriage journey. And that Grace is already available as we all take our chances with a great dose of God’s guidance. You see, God doesn’t even follow your very carefully laid out life plans on anything, including your choice of a partner and time of marriage. And isn’t that why you have to make room for chance? Trust me, it is that small room of chance that He occupies to guide well your life.

He could even give you your man when you are just 18…whilst you are still planning for the 20s and 30s. Oh, you doubt that? 18 is too young an age to marry? Ok, ask our famous Nigerian actress Omotola (Omosexy) if she regrets marrying at 18 or ever taking the chance. Yes, 18 I know, or so I heard.

I’m only using one reference? Yes. It’s because I want you to find out yourself about the numerous testimonies of people who took the chance when it came to choice of partner or right time of marriage. It’s all out there. Research it.

Your problem is not because you have not met the right person, your problem is…well, I will tell you in my next write up.

Till then…

Brace up! Take the risk! Take the chance!

Mark Gadogbe

First published on courageahiati.wordpress.com on September 11, 2014 as Guest Blogger.