Good marriages manage change better

A good marriage is one which allows for change and growth in the individuals and in the way they express their love
— Pearl S. Buck

Change is bound to happen in our lives and our marriages and relationships. We are not static beings; neither is our marriage. Change can be positive or negative. Static marriages don’t grow…many times they get boring. Embrace change in your marriage/relationship and develop a good mental attitude about it. It sure is not comfortable most times especially when it pushes you or your marriage/relationship out of your comfort zone but you sure will find some fun in there, some adventure, some new experience. After all, a life that stays the same is never exciting, I guess. It’s either you complain and sulk or look for something to encourage yourself.

Socrates it is that said:

“The secret of change is to focus all your energy not on fighting the old, but on building the new”

Change is inevitable and must be managed…whether temporal or permanent. Spouses react to and deal with change differently. Good marriages manage change better. How you deal with change will determine the outcome of your marriage.

Depending on the type of change, you could be on any portion of the “dealing with change curve” below. Wanna guess how change makes you feel??

transition

God grant grace so we will be well able to handle all the numerous changes our lives, marriages and relationships will experience along the way. And may the changes not break us but build us!

Mark Gadogbe (McApple)

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Image sources:
www.endeavourvolunteer.ca

 

A LOT OF ADJUSTMENTS…

It is often said that women marry expecting the man will change while men marry expecting that their hot, sexy and beautiful women will not change.

Often times, problems arise in relationships and marriages because people just presume their partners will never change; however possible that is! They often submit to the perception that they will always have the same needs 2 years, 3 years and even forever into the relationship/marriage as at the beginning of the relationship. They don’t want to buy the idea that their needs could even change almost abruptly just a month into the union. But truth is life changes our expectations and us.

If marriage is expected to grow or couples expect to grow together in marriage, then change is inevitable and we must embrace it. Some people are afraid of change but truth is a lot will change so better brace up! Change indeed is difficult but that’s just the hard truth.

It’s funny how sometimes our lovers will jump down our throats with retorts like “this is the way I am, better accept me for who I am and don’t expect me to change” only for them to totally change years later (after you’ve struggled to adjust to them) and still forget and continue to give same retorts. Come on dear, you’ve changed from who you were 2 years ago and I’m still accepting you for who you were 2 years ago as you asked me to, or should I now forget about the “old” you and accept you for the “new” you? But didn’t you know you were going to change into this “new” you when you were telling me to accept the apparently unchangeable “old” you? Haha!

Maybe I guess we shouldn’t just accept people for who they are and let it end there; we should accept them for who they are and make a lot of room to accommodate the many changes to come because they sure will come.

“The sex is going to change; your partner may be very gorgeous now but those looks are going to change. Interests, ambitions, things that you like to do together are all going to change. So if it’s the person underneath that you’re really attracted to, then the relationship’s got a really good shot”.

Even your priorities in life will change and a lot of adjustments will have to be made. It’s a reality that most young couples overlook. But we must know that as the years roll by, it will bring with it a lot of changes to our lives and marriages and we will need to change our lives to adapt appropriately to the changes. And it will be easier to manage the changes when you put your mind in ‘ready mode’ for them than to keep living the ‘lie of permanence’ and be rocked by many unmanageable surprises and stress.

The first change my marriage had to deal with (and still dealing with) is the long-distance marriage phase we entered into just about a month into our marriage. Hard as it is, we are managing just fine by God’s grace and we look forward to conquering the many other changes and adjustments ahead of us.

In any case, I think those who fear change or can’t manage change must not marry then because marriage is so full of change. A lot will change you and your marriage for good or for bad; and it’s a very tall list! But there’s joy in knowing that it’s all manageable as long as you are committed to working it out for your good. Just trust them into the hands of God as they come and see them work out for your good because without God in the equation, I bet the many changes will overwhelm you.

rom828

Cheers!

Mark Gadogbe (McApple)

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