Spending enough time together

Every good relationship needs spending lots of time together to GROW it. The moment, as a man, you say the magic words to your significant other, spending time with her becomes like her human right and if she does not get it, she’ll demand it big time.

But, a big question often asked is “how much time is too much time“? This question mostly arises because many guys feel their women demand too much of their time, and on the part of the ladies, it seems no matter the amount of time a man spends with them, he only seems to meet just about a quarter of what she needs.

Just recently, a guy mentioned that his girlfriend broke up with him over complains of he not making or spending enough time with her, does not call her often, etc. He felt those are frivolous demands. When asked if he thinks in his own estimation he does spend enough time with her girlfriend, he blurted out he spends even way too much.

Guess every relationship gets to experience those demand for time issues. I’m sure many people can relate.

©Mark Gadogbe (2022)

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Bitter Marriages

Unsatisfied spouses are mostly bitter spouses. A lot of bitterness in marriage erupts from unmet needs and expectations. Find out what the need is and meet it. The key to a happy marriage is simply meeting the needs of each other.

#ShortNotes

©Mark Gadogbe, 2022

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Social Isolation

Many times when people begin to isolate from the crowd (friends, family, social activities, etc) and keep to themselves, chances are that all is not well with them. They may be fighting battles way bigger than themselves.

Loneliness and seclusion is never a healthy sign, it’s never fun. Check on people. They may not be willing to talk about their issues, but it may mean a lot to them that someone did check up on them.

©Mark Gadogbe, 2022

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No one is above failure

I pray for you that you don’t fail and that your integrity doesn’t come into question. But, I also pray that when you fail, you admit it, pick yourself up and move on because sometimes, no man is above failure.

We’re all failures in one thing but masters in another.

May we find grace to succeed in life. 🙏

#ShortNotes

©Mark Gadogbe, 2022

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Unappreciated

One day, those who think we don’t care enough will realize we were the ones who cared most for them after all. Just maybe it will be too late then.

Many times we break our back for people but they don’t see it because we always put them in front or ahead of us and our own needs. That is simply because of how much we love or value them, but if they were behind us or had we made their needs secondary to ours, they would have seen.

Sometimes, people make you want to regret being there for them or losing yourself to rather make their dreams come true. Later, they begin to treat you or relate with you like you had no dreams of your own. They begin to make you feel like you are a loser – and they probably are right when you begin to think about all the years, time and resources you have lost “supporting” them. People are in many ways ungrateful and forget so easily how our own dreams died to keep theirs alive.

Maybe the problem is people being wired to think it does not cost a thing to help others or some are just born deserving of help like some kind of a birthright (they call it grace). Helping people costs so much…it did cost Jesus His life! Grace did come at a cost. Duh!

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©Mark Gadogbe, 2022

Vacuum

Emotional attachment is important for building healthy and committed love relationships but can also be a very costly thing.

You build your life around one person (your partner) for years and suddenly they decide to leave or move away…to pursue new dreams, goals, aspirations and better their life – and hopefully, both of your lives. A difficult choice is made that leaves little room for making changes or compromises that includes you. You understand, but then you also realize that dreams of a better future have taken first place over you. You have to relearn to build life alone and apart, while realizing distance has a way of shattering bonds – both physical and emotional.

You realize that if you fall in love with a bird, you have to let it fly…you must not take away its wings. You must not cage a bird for its happiness depends on flying. If you’re married to a fish, you must let it swim.

You also realize that, much as you may desire it, life cannot always be lived together with a significant other. There are times you will be together, there are times you will be apart. Just that if you are high on emotional attachment, no matter how brief or long the parting away is, no matter the good reasons and future rewards, and no matter how often you try to stay in touch, something leaves you, a big part of you dies within, your emotional attachment bubble bursts…you feel a vacuum left. Everything changes…until you’re back to building life together again. If nothing changes, then you’re not that emotionally attached.

#ShortNotes

©Mark Gadogbe, 2022

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Love songs

Everyone is a poet. Just wait until they find love and be intoxicated by it. The things they will say can make up a “profane” song if you should compose a song with their words; Pastors or the holiest of Christians alike. 😂😜

Sometimes it is difficult to tell if the profanity of a song is just because of the words used, or because the composers do not identify as Christians. I am tempted to believe the possibility that Christians in love (married or not) sometimes spew words with more sexual, sensual or “profane” undertones than some worldly song composers. I cannot for one imagine that two very pure Christians in a relationship would only be exchanging scriptures or discussing Bible and not have sexual feelings towards each other or communicating same without the use of some words or strong descriptors that crosses the purity line.

Love and sexuality are such a strong mix of emotions that we cannot live in denial of. They can sometimes break the strongest of defenses, take over a person and get them communicating their truest feelings, mostly lustful feelings that will make beautiful poems or love songs. There is some certainty of a strong mix of lust in even the purest of human love. If you have never fallen in love before, you can deny that lust does coexist with love.

Love must be expressed and it often finds its expression in communicating our deepest or truest of feelings in sometimes the most vivid, explicit and unrestrained ways possible, mostly galvanised with a bit of sensual undertones.

Relationships must be so boring without a bit of lustfulness in the mix. And trust me, every lustful thoughts in a relationship that may find its expression on paper will make up a profane song. One can only imagine how the holiest of Pastors even get their wives in the mood for a hot and holy sexual encounter. I bet they get their wives horny with a great dose of scriptures that when put on paper will make a gospel song. One would say after all, that is legal…they are married for God’s sake and are allowed to express lust. 😊

Never mind, I wasn’t trying to make any meaning with this post anyways; but you’re still blessed if it made just a bit of sense to you. 😀

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©Mark Gadogbe, 2022

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Love Sometimes Gets Messy

Love is a good thing; people make it messy.
Be careful the kind of advice you give to people in love or blinded by love…for good or for bad. Some people are not wise enough to read between the lines when you offer advice.

Someone once told me “when two lovers fight in a toxic relationship and you advice one to leave the other, the next time they have make-up sex and re-establish their bond, the mess will be on you, because the one you advised will surely tell the other you proposed that they break up”.

Yes, it happens all the time. That’s how unwise love makes some people.
So, it is always best to avoid rubbing your mouth into people’s love affairs, and be especially wise even when they invite you themselves into it!

We all get tangled in that web sometimes and you just don’t know what to say or not to say.
It’s not our fault though; love sometimes just gets so unavoidably messy! 😊

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©Mark Gadogbe, 2021

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Addictions

Everybody is addicted to something, said a wise man.

If you don’t know your addiction or haven’t yet discovered it, you might think you’re the best of human beings, perhaps a super being, and just go about castigating everybody else.

Look deep within, you will find your addiction, no matter how subtle. You will find that which you can’t do without. You will find that which has a constant pull on you. You will find that one thing you like so much although it does affect you negatively too. You will find that one thing you are struggling to do away with. 😊

Perhaps you are addicted to being perfect? 🤪

On a more serious note, bad addictions need to be worked on, especially when you acknowledge it puts your life in danger. Take the needed baby steps and before long, you will be walking, trotting and running your way out of that bad addiction.

I don’t know what your addiction is, but I bet you have one. 😊

Happy New Year! Be the best version of yourself this new year!

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©Mark Gadogbe, 2022

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Too much “spiritual self-confidence”

Ye whose love is fervent, whose faith is constant, whose hopes are bright, say not, “We shall never sin,” but rather cry, “Lead us not into temptation.”

Who would have dreamt that righteous Lot could be found drunken, and committing uncleanness?

It is not for nothing that Scripture says in 1 Corinthians 10:12 that “Wherefore let him that thinketh he standeth take heed lest he fall.”

May infinite wisdom cure us of the madness of self-confidence that makes us so quick to judge others!!!

©Mark Gadogbe, 2020