Love…

Love unexercised is but a sweet perfume in a closed vessel.
May we know by sweet experience what this means.

Love should not be hidden. Keep showing love and yield the fruits thereof.

Good marriages manage change better

A good marriage is one which allows for change and growth in the individuals and in the way they express their love
— Pearl S. Buck

Change is bound to happen in our lives and our marriages and relationships. We are not static beings; neither is our marriage. Change can be positive or negative. Static marriages don’t grow…many times they get boring. Embrace change in your marriage/relationship and develop a good mental attitude about it. It sure is not comfortable most times especially when it pushes you or your marriage/relationship out of your comfort zone but you sure will find some fun in there, some adventure, some new experience. After all, a life that stays the same is never exciting, I guess. It’s either you complain and sulk or look for something to encourage yourself.

Socrates it is that said:

“The secret of change is to focus all your energy not on fighting the old, but on building the new”

Change is inevitable and must be managed…whether temporal or permanent. Spouses react to and deal with change differently. Good marriages manage change better. How you deal with change will determine the outcome of your marriage.

Depending on the type of change, you could be on any portion of the “dealing with change curve” below. Wanna guess how change makes you feel??

transition

God grant grace so we will be well able to handle all the numerous changes our lives, marriages and relationships will experience along the way. And may the changes not break us but build us!

Mark Gadogbe (McApple)

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Image sources:
www.endeavourvolunteer.ca

 

Marital Emotional Wars

“Men by nature are less emotional than women”

The above is true and most women admit it; at least conceptually.

In practice however, many a man craves his woman really really knows, understands and appreciates how hard he tries to meet her very diverse and unpredictable emotional needs. A woman’s display of emotions sometimes confuses many a man; many times he is lost at sea about what exactly she is trying to communicate. Women are such an emotional tank and I’m sure they don’t sometimes understand themselves and the many different emotions she experiences on a daily basis.

But is it only men who try hardest to meet their partner’s emotional needs or get confused trying to understand a partner’s emotional expressions and relate accordingly? Not so much. On a daily basis, every partner wants the other to get more in touch with his/her emotions…kind of like how their emotions synchronize during sex? The problem is that in many cases, emotions just don’t seem to synchronize that much outside the bedroom. Maybe because couples are just more focused on each other in the bedroom than they do outside the bedroom? Haha!

Emotional differences are such a huge thing though, and on an almost daily basis, men and women fight so many emotional wars in marriage. What happens at the emotional level is very important in every relationship/marriage and that is why the most important thing about any quality time a couple will spend together and that is worth remembering is not the length of time spent itself but whether or not there was an emotional connectivity.

Emotional battles never end in marriage and I do not know yet if couples ever achieve a permanent  “emotional compatibility” status but I think “emotionally intelligent” marriages stay stronger, healthier, happier and maybe longer.

Emotional intelligence? Hmmm, not an easy skill to master…but every relationship/marriage sure needs it! And I can bet, when all is said and done, that one of the joys of relationship/marriage is the privilege of a man and woman, different as they are working through their different emotions and still bonding as a unit.

We can never pray our emotions away. They are a beautiful part of our nature. So like Barbara Rainey said, “we are made in the emotional image of God, so we shouldn’t be afraid of those feelings when they crop up”. Marriage is beautiful…so relax and enjoy the emotional wars! At least it’s not so bloody!

And I think you will need this… just in case:

m1

Cheers!

Mark Gadogbe (McApple)