Bitter spouses…is there not always a cause?

It’s surprising sometimes how we are able to always find time for every other thing or people in our lives except our spouses. We easily neglect our responsibilities to them claiming they should understand if they love us. They should understand we are busy for a reason. We’re busy caring about everybody and everything else which when taken out of our life or lost, would contribute far less to our depression and insanity than our marriage.

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Fast forward and there’s a case of someone else or something else getting more of our spouse’s attention and we become bitter and defensive. Are we bitter for shirking our responsibilities and pushing them beyond their limit or boundaries in the union or it just must always be the fault of the other, justified or not? We forget people always understand and bear with us until a point where they can’t bear it anymore. How often do we think about our partner’s limits…how much they can take until they can take no more?

Everybody’s got their limits and no matter how much they love you, there’s a limit to how much they can cope or live with any situation. Oh no, it’s not only about bad stuff. There are men who can’t handle too much love or affection from a woman. They begin to feel like they are babies to their partners. There are men (and maybe women) who equally can’t stand too much attention or pampering from their partners. Sometimes it’s sad that we can spend so many years with a person and know very little about them because we always just go with the flow and never pause to ponder things…until something happens.

Could you be humble enough to admit that the breakdown in your spouse’s affection towards you could be self-inflicted? Is there not a cause for your spouse’s bitterness, changed attitude, ill behavior, addiction, low/unmatched sex drive, broken friendship, lost vibes, etc. and have you stopped to think about it?

We wait too long for things to blow in our face before we look ourselves in the mirror.

©Mark Gadogbe (McApple), 2019

I can love him/her better than you 

Always remember that everything you are doing to or for your husband/wife or your boyfriend/girlfriend, somebody else can do it and even do it better. Don’t say it’s not possible…it is! 

If you’re giving him/her sex, somebody else can also give them that and even give them better. Maybe your stronghold is food or taking care of the home…but do you think nobody else cooks better than you or can ever manage your home or partner better than you? You think nobody else can spoil your girl/wife better than you’re doing now if they get the chance? 

Everything you do in life, somebody else can do it better than you. The only reason why you are still there and still the only one doing it is simply because that other person has not been given the CHANCE. So, never lose guard and start playing dull moves. Everybody can potentially lose their partner to the next available highest bidder. 

You’re not irreplaceable in even the most loving of all relationships. Just do something very silly, or worse case, just die now and see how soon you’ll be replaced by someone else. It’s natural for voids to be filled, just like in every working environment. 

Like Sam Casey put it: 

“It’s easy to see your position in leadership at the office as becoming more important than your job as the leader of your home. No one is indispensable. Everyone can be replaced on the job. God can raise up another leader to do what you are doing. It’s worth asking your spouse from time to time to make sure you stay on the mark” 

Never stop loving your partner, never stop doing right by them. And never stop evaluating yourself and each other. Start treating them wrong…and you will soon see. You will wonder where that highest bidder taking what belongs to you even sprung up from. Oh boy, they have always been there! They have always been secretly admiring and wishing for what you have. All it had to take was your negligence. 😜

© Mark Gadogbe (McApple), 2017

Marriage & Personal Development Author