Our child Arya shall survive your fears

Of all the children in the world whose beautiful pictures get shared on the internet or social media or even make it onto invitation cards and dps, it is my own that you fear for that something bad or evil will happen to? I don’t care whoever you are, but you must be ashamed of yourselves to even think that of any child anywhere in the world. 

It’s unsettling to start with that you are even thinking the worse will happen to an innocent child and not rather praying that she will live and succeed in life irrespective of your supposed “wrong and immature decisions” of the parents. What has bewitched our brains in this part of the world to always be so backward thinking and so superstitious? And the way we go about it (the approach) as if it is our exclusive right as media or moral watchdogs to tell people what to do or not to do is so disgusting to say the least sometimes (please you won’t go to Hell for your failure to do certain things if that’s your push 😂). This is not a personal attack but I’ve had far too many “morally upright” folks trying to force their way into my personal life and business and I feel it’s right to share a few sentiments of my own. 

Truth is that we don’t assume everyone feels the same way about social media and what gets on it — and you don’t approach this sometimes very sensitive issue as if your rules are better than those of others because the honest truth is that it all comes down to personal preferences or choices. 

I have always maintained that life is freedom and it is plain stupid sometimes to want people to live their life the way you live yours. The fact that you are uncomfortable with something does not mean everybody should be uncomfortable with it. The fact that you decide as your personal lifestyle to do or not do something does not mean it should become the universally accepted rule of life or yardstick for judging moral conduct. 

Always do what makes you happy

You see eh, this year 2018 eh, I don’t want to take any nonsense from anybody. You see, we are not dumb not to know that we’re not the first to be parents and neither will we be the last. It was not you that told us whether it was right or wrong to get married at whatever age we decided to…it was not you that made the choice of a partner for us, neither was it you that financed it even at the time that we both had no gainful employment. It was not you that made the decision for us about not having a child whilst married and still in school and rather wait until now. And if God has blessed us now with a child, we are accountable only to Him. 

Having this child has been entirely our personal decision and every decision we make regarding this child throughout her life on earth will be our sole prerogative or responsibility. In this part of our world, we talk too much and want to express opinions about everything that involves the life of another…whatever we think gives us that right to, I don’t know. What’s even more sad is that we appear only more interested in killing people’s joy or pushing negativities.

You see, everybody in my family or life that has known me very well knows that it is not today that I am going to play very nice to uninvited opinions that don’t have any grounded basis but are merely sentimental and based on individual preferences. Say I’m proud or whatever, I have never cared and won’t start to care now. There are boundaries and we need to always respect them – I don’t know why people don’t know that. 

Whatever anybody decides to do with their child is none of my business; so, I don’t go about telling people whether they are treating their child right or wrong…when it borders on documented legal or cultural violations, the laws of the land will take action. So, you can put him/her in a dustbin I don’t care and you can wait until they are 18 years to be able to give you their legal consent before you feed them, bath them, clothe them, allow them to shit on you, take them out to public places, beg them to take a picture of them or show them to the world, I don’t care. It’s your problem if you want to get your child to consent before you do anything that relates to that child – you might as well keep them in your womb until they attain the legal age of 18 or get them talking the minute they are born. 

It’s entirely your problem if you want to hide your child from the whole world because there are too many evil eyes – you might as well keep them only within the four walls of your room and not take them to the hospital, school, market square, city centre, and even church (because there are evil people in church too that will want to sap the life out of your child 😂). It’s your problem if you are too afraid that because the internet never forgets and your child didn’t give his/her consent before you posted a beautiful picture of them or news of their birth, they will grow up to chance upon it and probably hate you for life or sue you. Need I ask here also, what’s the difference between not using or sharing a picture of a newborn on social media and waiting until they are 1 year or above…what consent does a 1 year or 5 years child give or waiting until they are that age means the enemies out there can’t kill them anymore? You see why your preference is simply your preference? 

You don’t have to rub your personal fears on anybody and try to make it the morally upright rule or “matured way of doing things”. Let me remain immature in my personal decisions and life choices – as long as you’re not the one feeding me, I don’t care about your “maturity titles”.

Everything you decide to do in life as an adult is your personal choice and based on your fears or experiences of life. I agree not everybody has had a positive experience in life based on their background and the families they are coming from (or the spirits that are chasing them in life) but there are no rules in life that says that your personal fears has to be my fears or your personal choices should be mine as well and that it’s wrong if I do not do what you do

We decided exclusively whether it was right or wrong to inform anybody we were expecting a child and when exactly we should, that we had put to bed, that we were naming and dedicating the child, that you are welcome to visit or not…and by extension only we will ultimately decide whether you have any part to play in the life of the child or not. When we don’t give you that exclusive right, you don’t take it because you are whoever…at best, you play a spectator role. 😂 As for being happy for us or not, we have no control over it…it’s entirely your choice. 😜

(PS: These are just personal rumblings)

©Mark Gadogbe (McApple), 2018

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Don’t burn your bridges

I was your bridge when you needed one

Your life saving help

To cross that mighty ocean

That threatened to swallow you alive

No matter how small my bridge

It helped you cross over

I bet the feeling was great

Like that of being alive

A new year to behold

Like I was to you, many have been to me

Life does get so hard sometimes

That every once in a while

We all need bridges to ride over our fears

It’s human to require another’s help in times of need

But if the bridges we burn after crossing

If our promises we fail to honour

If our part of the bargain we fail to uphold

We demonstrate a limited insight into life’s uncertainties

But life has a way of bringing us back

To the same bridges we travelled in times past

For good or for bad, our fate then we will learn.

 

© Mark Gadogbe (McApple), 2017

Marriage & Personal Development Author

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