Marriage and movies

couple_1

A picture summarizes a thousand words!

Hahaha.

Happy December! Happy holiday season! Happy couples movie sessions!

 

Image source:
Thrillfeed.com

 

Control and manipulation…

There are no lessons to be learned when a husband dominates his wife. There are no inspiring examples to emulate when a wife manipulates a husband. Marriage shows us that we are not all there is; it calls us to give way to another, but also to find joy, happiness, and even ecstasy in another.
~~Gary Thomas

 

Affection before perfection!

Though there are no perfect people and relationships/marriages, it is possible that you can get to a point where you can say confidently of your partner that he/she is the “perfect” partner for you and you can’t think of anything that you would wish changes. And we can get there when we strive to offer affection before seeking perfection out of our spouses.

Affection constitutes tender expressions that result in feelings of closeness, passion, and security and results in marital satisfaction, intimacy, approval, hope, and pleasure…which can bring about perfection. For marriage to thrive, it needs frequent doses of affection which is a vital necessity for connecting with one’s spouse.

In the words of Hallifield Cosgayne O’Donnoghue:

Our husbands and wives however good, virtuous, or amiable, are yet mortal, and have the imperfections of their earthly origin: but still there are ten thousand graces and virtues, as strong to retain affection, as they were at first to conciliate it.  Let it be the endeavour of both parties to cultivate a kind and affectionate feeling; let not all the little acts of attention and kindness which first won esteem and marked the progress of attachment, be permitted to terminate when it is of most importance to preserve its endearment. The cares of life will sufficiently operate to cool and freeze the current of affection; but a prompt and ready attention to every wish, an anticipation of every want, a well-timed offering, in memory of a wedding or birthday, will revive affection, and warm the coolness which would otherwise steal insensibly over the heart and affections.

Affection is vital for all healthy human relationships and when spouses cultivate the habit of being affectionate towards each other, they become emotionally bonded in a near-perfect way. Conjugal affection especially is like a delicate plant; be careful you don’t trample it. 🙂

God help us to increase the affection in our marriages!

© Mark Gadogbe (McApple)

Image source:
http://weheartit.com

 

Does he/she feel the same about you?

I have discovered the above question is one of the most vital people in serious relationships or considering marriage should ask themselves and their partners. And please when you do, I pray thee that you don’t make it a mere emotional question.

Does he/she love you as much as you do?? Will they go the extra miles with you?

 

Image source:
quotesgram.com

 

 

Unrequited Love…

Unrequited love
A gamble on love
So much like the casting
Of “He loves me, he loves me not” lots
Feels like the spoil of life’s bliss
Like a drain of one’s life
A “if wishes were horses” feeling
A joint experience of love
That only remains a wish and a dream
A strange loneliness
In an affair meant for two souls
A longing unsatisfied
A love unnoticed
A love unreturned
A love true but in vain
Could be the worse experience of love
Yet the overcoming like a necessary evil

 

Marital Emotional Wars

“Men by nature are less emotional than women”

The above is true and most women admit it; at least conceptually.

In practice however, many a man craves his woman really really knows, understands and appreciates how hard he tries to meet her very diverse and unpredictable emotional needs. A woman’s display of emotions sometimes confuses many a man; many times he is lost at sea about what exactly she is trying to communicate. Women are such an emotional tank and I’m sure they don’t sometimes understand themselves and the many different emotions she experiences on a daily basis.

But is it only men who try hardest to meet their partner’s emotional needs or get confused trying to understand a partner’s emotional expressions and relate accordingly? Not so much. On a daily basis, every partner wants the other to get more in touch with his/her emotions…kind of like how their emotions synchronize during sex? The problem is that in many cases, emotions just don’t seem to synchronize that much outside the bedroom. Maybe because couples are just more focused on each other in the bedroom than they do outside the bedroom? Haha!

Emotional differences are such a huge thing though, and on an almost daily basis, men and women fight so many emotional wars in marriage. What happens at the emotional level is very important in every relationship/marriage and that is why the most important thing about any quality time a couple will spend together and that is worth remembering is not the length of time spent itself but whether or not there was an emotional connectivity.

Emotional battles never end in marriage and I do not know yet if couples ever achieve a permanent  “emotional compatibility” status but I think “emotionally intelligent” marriages stay stronger, healthier, happier and maybe longer.

Emotional intelligence? Hmmm, not an easy skill to master…but every relationship/marriage sure needs it! And I can bet, when all is said and done, that one of the joys of relationship/marriage is the privilege of a man and woman, different as they are working through their different emotions and still bonding as a unit.

We can never pray our emotions away. They are a beautiful part of our nature. So like Barbara Rainey said, “we are made in the emotional image of God, so we shouldn’t be afraid of those feelings when they crop up”. Marriage is beautiful…so relax and enjoy the emotional wars! At least it’s not so bloody!

And I think you will need this… just in case:

m1

Cheers!

Mark Gadogbe (McApple)

Appreciate! …And do it verbally!

Some people are not very forthcoming with words…but you can’t build a strong healthy relationship without communicating appreciation verbally. They prefer to hide behind actions to communicate what and how they feel, after all, doesn’t “actions speak louder than words”? Yeah, they do most often…but they also sometimes hide the exact feelings we wish to express or just may not carry as much weight as words.

Sometimes, gratitude that is not expressed by words is just nonexistent. The more you fail to communicate your appreciation verbally the more likely your significant other may feel taken for granted, especially when s/he is not good at reading through your actions. Sometimes it may just be as frustrating as trying to read a person’s mind…so be verbally expressive with your feelings of appreciation. Remember “what’s taken for granted will eventually be taken away; then you end up missing most what you least appreciated”.

Appreciation is a great thing in relationships and must be done very often…even in honour of the little supposedly “insignificant” things. It’s as simple as “when you value someone, you appreciate them”.

When you appreciate your man, he surely will appreciate you in return…it’s like action and reaction, cause and effect. So always find the words to tell him he is a good and hardworking man who tries his best to provide for you and the family and he will surely also not focus on your “irrelevant” flaws. Every man wants an appreciative woman who sees and acknowledges how hard he tries!

Similarly, keep telling her she is the best woman, wife, mother and homemaker and she surely will not also call you unhealthy names that ends up doing so much damage to your ego.

The secret? “A person who feels appreciated will always do more than what is expected”. Your willingness to put it into words is all that is necessary.

You can’t demand or command appreciation in a relationship/marriage when you do not give it yourself.

Learn it and earn it!

But hey, let not thy appreciation be false.

Cheers!

Mark Gadogbe (McApple)