Every man wants something in a woman

Know your man, then you’ll know his needs and how you fit in with meeting those needs.

Then, know yourself also, if you really are the one you think he really needs.

©Mark Gadogbe, 2021

Cover Image Credit: https://instagram.com/alfred_darling_art_gallery?igshid=1mxpv9n1rmnv4

Why label Christians judgmental just because they do not support your cause?

Every one in life is entitled to their choices. God gave each of us that right. Society through human rights has also given us same right.

Nonetheless, you will find that in any human setting, even in the animal kingdom, we all can never agree on one thing, or follow the same path. This is simply because we are all different. Yes, we are all different and so will always disagree; there will always be differences in society, including people who will always form majority and others in minority. Even science keeps talking about mutations, and I don’t know if that can simply be explained as “variations from the norm”. The norms do change too, even if rarely, bringing up new differences or variants to deal with.

Similarly, I believe as human beings, we all have our different experiences of life and hence, our different opinions. Whether we feel something is right or wrong, we are entitled to share our opinion about whatever affects our life and the ultimate wellbeing of society. The same society we live in, I believe, wants us to share our opinion freely without being labelled hateful just because another set of people do not see our reason, or agree with our stance. However, it is always important to realize that where one person’s right ends, another person’s begin.

I believe we can all appreciate the fact that even where there is love (like in marriage), there still exists disagreements brought on by our natural differences. However, the fact that you disagree with your partner (or share different opinions, likes and dislikes) does not necessarily mean you are hateful! Does it? Even married people have different sexual preferences. Some like doggy sex, others don’t; some like oral sex, others you can never get to agree to oral sex. There are people in marriage whose only sexual preference is missionary style, any other style is unnatural to them and can never change their preference for a million dollars. The sexual preference differences is endless in marriages, but does it simply culminate in hate? You will be amazed at people’s views and stance about the simple subject of sex, even in Christian marriages.

We all exercise the right to be different or be heard, irrespective of our backgrounds, cultures, religious stances, sexual orientations, etc. However, when you find yourself in the minority and want something to be accepted in any setting, you stand on a point/foundation (whether religious, social, biological, humanitarian, etc) to push your argument through. You don’t do that yet deny someone else the right to present opposing argument. We see that always in parliaments and various settings. Even at our workplaces, when you feel you are being overlooked by your bosses or want to push a different idea or practice from the norm, you won’t just be embraced without having to push through your argument.

So, must the expression of disapproval for any act or action always be labeled as HATE? Where do we really draw the line, to not always attempt to equate disapproval to hate?

I identify as Christian yet do not HATE anybody who identifies otherwise or engages in anything unchristian; neither do I take away their right to freely speak of that which they believe in or hold as true. Even among us Christians, we disagree on a number of things but that doesn’t mean we HATE or are JUDGEMENTAL of others.

I will really appreciate it so much if people stop labeling Christians whose opinion differ from a certain group as JUDGEMENTAL and HATEFUL people anytime they share an opinion that someone else disagrees with. You know why? That’s because, funny enough, whilst trying to condemn Christians, you are in essence being judgemental towards them…sometimes without even realizing it; the same thing you’re trying to avoid. See the circle? Right!

This applies to every topical issue in life, including the ever sensitive LGBTQI+ discourse gaining momentum in all parts of the world.

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©Mark Gadogbe, 2021

Christmas

Christmas is here again and for some, it’s just one of those festivals… that great time for wild partying, boozing and doing all the worldly fun stuff.

Fun is healthy and good for the soul, and it’s worth remembering, connecting and celebrating with family and friends. And Christmas offers a perfect time to.
But, Jesus Christ would want us not to just get caught up in all the merry making and wild partying.
He would want us to also take a moment and remember the man of the season, our Jesus, our Saviour.
Reflect we must, about His love, and the fact that He wasn’t only born, but He died too; then think about His place in our life and what value He holds in our life. But, why do all these?

“People don’t remember, let alone celebrate something of no value”.

To celebrate Christmas should surely mean that Christ must have some very important value as someone who ever lived (and still lives) and has impacted lives positively. He must have left remarkable footprints in our hearts to merit remembrance and celebration.
He must therefore take glory in our joyful celebrations, and we must lift Him high like a banner that flies across every land, so all men will see and know that He alone is Christ our Saviour, the risen Lord, the soon coming King, and the only true way and promise to heaven!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!
May our celebrations glorify God as we spread love and happiness this season.

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©Mark Gadogbe, 2020

Featured image source: https://instagram.com/iamamamcbrown?igshid=b1e0cit2ttwx

Kneel down before I accept your marriage proposal

The convention in the Western world, and as depicted in many movies, is for a man to kneel down when proposing to his lady, especially if done in public. But, what happens when a guy doesn’t kneel down when proposing?

Well, below is a short excerpt from a marriage proposal video (involving two African lovers in Africa) that made rounds recently on social media, and that has divided opinions among our African brothers and sisters.

A lady refused a guy’s public proposal because he refused to kneel down while proposing. The lady says that’s embarrassing and cannot fathom why he wouldn’t kneel down for her. The guy says kneeling down is not what proves he loves her, and in any case, during church weddings, Pastors don’t ask the groom to kneel down before his bride when exchanging vows (putting on the ring).

This is the matter they have been trying to settle since 😊🙈. Your opinion may help our dear African brother and sister who apparently were madly in love, until the proposal 😊🤷🏽‍♂.

Featured Image Credit: Instagram | hazelandgraceillustrations

An excerpt on what men and women want

“She creates a home that offers him a refuge from the stresses of life. She manages the household responsibilities in a way that encourages him to spend time at home enjoying his family. She understands and appreciates him more than anyone else. She reminds him of his values and achievements and helps him maintain self confidence. She avoids criticizing him. She is proud of him, not out of duty, but from a profound respect for the man she chose to marry”.

“He creates an environment of affection that clearly and repeatedly expresses his love for her. He never leaves her with a false impression and is truthful about his thoughts, feelings, intentions and behaviour. He does not work long hours, keeping himself from his wife and family, but is able to provide necessary support by working a 40-45 hour week. While he encourages his wife to pursue a career, he does not depend on her salary for family living expenses”.

PS: I can’t remember from which book I read the above to properly reference the author, but I found it interesting chancing upon it again in my ‘journal of quotes’.

Featured Image Credit: Moesha Buduong | Instagram

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Secret love relationships 

Growing up, I made a very important decision early that when I fall in love, I was not going to encourage it to be a secret relationship. I told myself I will do all I can to meet her siblings and parents, either while we are friends or within the first year of dating. Why? I just thought it was the wisest thing to do if the end goal of my relationship with her is marriage. If it’s not for marriage, then well…it wouldn’t matter meeting anybody because we won’t need anybody’s approval or disapproval really.

Maybe it was not so much a decision I made; maybe it’s because I was brought up that way. My mother of blessed memory never encouraged wrong associations and would make sure we bring our friends home. She was very homely and just wants to know our friends and wants us to feel comfortable bringing them home instead of staying at friends homes. She was very protective and interested in what kind of friends we had. If you have a mother who is very strict on the rule that all her children be back home by 6pm no matter where they said you were going to, then you would understand how she never joked with certain things. It became a part of us that no matter where we were or which friends we are with, as long as it is approaching dusk, we start making our way home.

It was like the default setting. It didn’t matter to her whether you are the eldest or youngest or whether you are old enough to take care of yourself, you just must never stay out late!

So, yes, I grew up with the decision to feel it’s very important and safer to bring my girlfriend home quite early in the relationship or to get to know her family early. That one thing was very important to me because I needed to know very early in the relationship whether or not her family will accept me, first of all as a friend, and then potential partner, and whether she and my family will be cool as well.

Travelling the distance in a relationship to later discover you are not accepted by either of your families is a pain and wasted years. I will rather break things off early than sink in deeper before that reality dawns on me. I know how families can be and I didn’t have to lie to myself that all will be well when we are ready to marry.

In the culture we find ourselves, family approvals have a very important place in marriage. Our people say that marriage is more about two families coming together than just two individuals. Deciding not to care about parental approvals and blessings and just elope to get married is a recipe for disaster. As such, it is better to cross that bridge earlier than later in a relationship and that was my principle.

For me, I believe whatever you run away from in your journey to marriage or in life generally, you will still meet later. So, why not get the hurdle at least half solved now or why not know your fate sooner than later in a relationship leading to marriage?

Secret relationships will surely only have one or two outcomes, and that could mean it ending in tears 🤷🏽‍♂🤷🏽.

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…And do share your opinions with us.

©Mark Gadogbe, 2020

Marriage Tip 101: The right foundation

I believe a right and timely information shared is a life saved, or possibly a marriage saved or reoriented. So, here are a few tips on getting a marriage set on a good Christian foundation for success:

  • Our husband-wife relationship continues to show the unseen relationship between God and His Son, Jesus; and also show the relationship of Jesus to His bride, all believers.
  • A husband who sacrificially serves his wife shows what our Savior’s love is like.
  • A wife who helps her husband demonstrates the work of the Holy Spirit.
  • A wife’s willingness to follow her husband’s lead mirrors the sheep Jesus called to follow Him.
  • A husband’s desire to understand his wife is like the gentle Spirit of God who is our Counselor and friend.
  • Your home’s stability and health depend on this God-created design working as He intended.

Got a few tips of your own? Do share with us, you never know whose marriage that useful tip may help save. ❤

Cheers and may our marriages do great! 🙏🏾

©Mark Gadogbe, 2020

Dating is easy…Marriage is hard work

​Marriage preparations do not end at the altar

You are allowed a temporary sigh of relief and accomplishment at the altar…but almost immediately begins real work; a new reality. Dating is easy…Marriage is hard work. 

When in doubt, remember all the billion people who couldn’t keep it together even at the easy dating stage. If dating could not last…marriage could not too. You may not like that reality but it’s just the simple truth. 

God meant marriage to be forever, of course your Pastor told you that; but it’s not always forever if you don’t put in the works. And who says your Pastor’s marriage is all rosy and a heavenly Jerusalem 24/7; don’t believe that lie, they just want you to see it that way. They go through every thing every normal marriage goes through; are they Jesus? How will you feel if your Pastor comes to say on the pulpit “things are not going too well with my marriage but we’re still working things out”. You think it’s not a possibility? The Pastor’s marriage has good times and bad times just like every other marriage. 

There are no perfect marriages; yours wouldn’t be either. So, chin up and let go of all the fantasies! 

Our vulnerabilities

One of the fundamental reasons for cheating in relationships is the fact that we always crave what we miss in our life and partners, and we become vulnerable when we find it in another person. It is in that moment of lack that our cravings and the temptations associated with them grows. Talk of craving friendship, affection, true love, sex, empathy, quality time, real communication, etc.

How long can one stand being starved on those?

Never jump the steps

For many, their marriage story is somewhat like this: they were so consumed by love and unable to control their passions for each other and allowed it to blaze on until “unfortunately”, she got pregnant. Then, to avoid the “Christian shame” usually associated with such, they decided to get married quickly, before any of the “over-religious Christian critics” see signs of it. And then, it is only after the baby comes…perhaps with troubling symptoms, that they begin to hang their passions on the wall and do the all-important background health and family history checks, stuffs that they should have done way back! Not everybody gets so lucky to escape situations of this nature when you allow your erections and horny feelings control and determine your direction.

It is always a very difficult decision breaking things off with one’s lover of God knows how many years when hit with the inevitably ugly situation of not being “medically compatible” perhaps in your genotypes. On the other side of the coin is “family history“. Never underestimate the possibility of the one you met somewhere and fell in love with turning out to be a direct family relation. These stuffs may be rare but real; there are true stories out there of people it has happened to who had to bitterly separate because of incest. Not every culture deals kindly with incest and some have lost lives and beautiful futures. The gods in some of our African families may not be that forgiving as the God up in Heaven.

Avoidable situations of this nature in love relationships are what a good friend of mine describes as “jumping the steps”. Of course, it’s a simple principle in relationships/marriage that, when you jump the steps, you risk a great fall that either leaves perpetual damage or a big scar for the entire life of that union. The exception to the rule is only by God’s divine grace.

So, here’s the thing. When you meet someone or fall in love with someone, still try hard to not let your horny hormones take the better of you into sleeping with each other, worst case having unprotected sex, before making the all-important family background checks and medical compatibility tests. Stop fooling yourselves that love conquers everything…there’s love and there’s stupid love. That love may fly out the door at the first smell of trouble. When in doubt, ask the millions of people all over the world who have been abandoned by the ones they once thought loved them and nothing could ever separate them.

Surely, there’s a reason why God gave us brains to use even when we are deeply and madly in love. Never jump the steps!

©Mark Gadogbe (McApple), 2019