Marriage quotes…

Hope you find these relationship/marriage quotes interesting…

Got a favourite to share? Please do!

 “Relationships don’t always make sense. Especially from the outside”
― Sarah Dessen

“I have known many happy marriages, but never a compatible one. The whole aim of marriage is to fight through and survive the instant when incompatibility becomes unquestionable. For a man and a woman, as such, are incompatible.”
― G.K. Chesterton

 “Marriage is not a noun; it’s a verb. It isn’t something you get. It’s something you do. It’s the way you love your partner every day.”
—  Barbara De Angelis

A great marriage is not when the ‘perfect couple’ come together. It is when an imperfect couple learns to enjoy their differences.
—Dave Meurer

Many marriages would be better if the husband and the wife clearly understood that they are on the same side.
—Zig Ziglar

Happy marriages begin when we marry the ones we love, and they blossom when we love and hold onto the ones we marry.
Tom Mullen

One of the great illusions of our time is that love is self-sustaining. It is not. Love must be fed and nurtured, constantly renewed. That demands ingenuity and consideration, but first and foremost, it demands time.
—David Mace

To get divorced because love has died, is like selling your car because it’s run out of gas.
Diane Sollee (smartmarriages.com)

 “When marrying, ask yourself this question: Do you believe that you will be able to converse well with this person into your old age? Everything else in marriage is transitory.”
— Friedrich Nietzsche

 

© Mark Gadogbe (McApple)

Image source:
www.status4ka.am

 

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A LOT OF ADJUSTMENTS…

It is often said that women marry expecting the man will change while men marry expecting that their hot, sexy and beautiful women will not change.

Often times, problems arise in relationships and marriages because people just presume their partners will never change; however possible that is! They often submit to the perception that they will always have the same needs 2 years, 3 years and even forever into the relationship/marriage as at the beginning of the relationship. They don’t want to buy the idea that their needs could even change almost abruptly just a month into the union. But truth is life changes our expectations and us.

If marriage is expected to grow or couples expect to grow together in marriage, then change is inevitable and we must embrace it. Some people are afraid of change but truth is a lot will change so better brace up! Change indeed is difficult but that’s just the hard truth.

It’s funny how sometimes our lovers will jump down our throats with retorts like “this is the way I am, better accept me for who I am and don’t expect me to change” only for them to totally change years later (after you’ve struggled to adjust to them) and still forget and continue to give same retorts. Come on dear, you’ve changed from who you were 2 years ago and I’m still accepting you for who you were 2 years ago as you asked me to, or should I now forget about the “old” you and accept you for the “new” you? But didn’t you know you were going to change into this “new” you when you were telling me to accept the apparently unchangeable “old” you? Haha!

Maybe I guess we shouldn’t just accept people for who they are and let it end there; we should accept them for who they are and make a lot of room to accommodate the many changes to come because they sure will come.

“The sex is going to change; your partner may be very gorgeous now but those looks are going to change. Interests, ambitions, things that you like to do together are all going to change. So if it’s the person underneath that you’re really attracted to, then the relationship’s got a really good shot”.

Even your priorities in life will change and a lot of adjustments will have to be made. It’s a reality that most young couples overlook. But we must know that as the years roll by, it will bring with it a lot of changes to our lives and marriages and we will need to change our lives to adapt appropriately to the changes. And it will be easier to manage the changes when you put your mind in ‘ready mode’ for them than to keep living the ‘lie of permanence’ and be rocked by many unmanageable surprises and stress.

The first change my marriage had to deal with (and still dealing with) is the long-distance marriage phase we entered into just about a month into our marriage. Hard as it is, we are managing just fine by God’s grace and we look forward to conquering the many other changes and adjustments ahead of us.

In any case, I think those who fear change or can’t manage change must not marry then because marriage is so full of change. A lot will change you and your marriage for good or for bad; and it’s a very tall list! But there’s joy in knowing that it’s all manageable as long as you are committed to working it out for your good. Just trust them into the hands of God as they come and see them work out for your good because without God in the equation, I bet the many changes will overwhelm you.

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Cheers!

Mark Gadogbe (McApple)

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A chance we all take???

Many have been very careful in their choice of partners, yet those same carefully chosen partners became their downfall one way or the other. It still baffles! Still many others threw caution to the wind in their partner choice and through those partners became successful in life. Still baffles! So I’m tempted to say as usual that after all is said and done, “it’s a chance we all take…there are no guarantees because only God knows the future”.

But when God is in it…I believe the percentage of failure is minimal because He will always guide as long as we let Him. A man’s heart always leads him astray. Of course, many at times God has been involved but we still crushed but when you think back it’s almost always the case that someway somehow we did not completely “let go and let God”.

I understand it’s never easy to completely relegate our humanness to the background 100 percent…there’s always that interference. But I guess God is not looking for 100 percent cos that will be like denying our very existence and all the emotions and abilities God himself placed in us; He’s only looking to have the bigger percentage in that life choice and decision.

He just wants to be the biggest shareholder! And He wants to be the centre of every marriage because “except the Lord build the house, they labour in vain that build it” (Psalm 127:1).

Now here is a good place that I will like to take a moment to ponder over this thought; you are welcome to do same:

“What guides my relationship/marriage? What defines it? Where does the biggest percentage go?”

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May He grant us Grace!

I CANT BE IN A LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP

Life presents us with so many choices including the type of relationship we want for ourselves and I believe everybody is entitled to their choices. However, sometimes I just smile when I hear people say they can NEVER be in a long distance relationship/marriage, they are not cut out for it and bla bla bla. I smile because I believe it’s a narrow mindset.

Recently I read of the popular Ghanaian artiste Bisa Kdei admonishing people not to consider being in a long distance relationship and is planning the release of a song to that effect because of past experiences in his life. I think such an entrenched position by him and many others is not entirely justifiable and lacks substance when one looks at it in a broader perspective.

Granted that your partner cheated on you for all the frivolous reasons one can think of does not mean that a long distance relationship in itself is a bad thing; I think you just found the wrong partner and you should even be grateful. It’s a bit sad that long distance relationships have often been put in a bad light. U see, to me every relationship/marriage at a point in time becomes a distance relationship as many things will in the life of a relationship keep the two people away from each other over some length of time. It could be school, career advancement, new job or posting, going to see one’s parents…just name them.

The earlier you make a rethink and start learning how to manage the distance when it comes, the better. And mind you, the distance can be a beautiful thing unless you are the lonely type with no or very little sense of individuality. For me, I even see it as a good test of the genuineness of a relationship and left to me alone I will recommend that partners never marry until they have experienced that phase of a long separation. I know it’s not easy but I think it’s a must. I believe a big part of the problem is that most people don’t know, learn and prepare themselves on how to manage the distance.

Like I always say, it is one thing falling in love and it is another thing managing that love. Come on, there are a million and one survival guides on long distance relationship! I tell you, it’s very possible to keep your long distance relationship close to the same as being together face to face! Especially at this very advanced time and age? Come on, guess it’s just simple that most people whose relationships break during that long period of separation just do not put in as much effort as they should. I say that confidently because I have seen many people who know they will marry one day or are in a relationship leading to marriage but they know close to nothing about marriage.

In fact, they do not prepare themselves enough for it…to them the important thing is that you get to a certain age and financial stability and then you marry. The only thing they will ever know is if they are lucky enough to make it to the stage of counseling or if they are lucky enough to have their pastor preach on marriage.

Often my exploratory quizzes go like this: “Dude, u are in a relationship leading to marriage but if I may ask, how many marriage/relationship books or materials have you made the effort to acquire and read aside whatever knowledge of marriage u might have naturally grown up with. How much experiences on relationships/marriage have you gathered outside of your own”. You can always imagine the answers. Most people maybe aside a business venture just don’t prepare themselves enough for the things they are going into. It is that simple! Yet they blame everybody else except themselves for their misfortunes.

Maybe, because a business venture is more profitable than a relationship/marriage?? Maybe to some, it is. Now let’s look at it this way: Granted you don’t like and will never be in a long distance relationship and you never did and you are now married. Will you break your marriage then in event of a situation that will bring about a long time of separation between you two?? Or your husband or wife must now travel with you on every long business trip or career development journey? Or because of you, your wife or husband should not be promoted and perhaps posted to another geographical location? Will you break your marriage? I ask again, will you?

You see, a lot happens in marriage that does not at the dating/relationship stage; a lot of things change and it is for that reason that it is unhealthy to start with such a mindset instead of preparing yourself to embrace changes as they come. I think irrespective of you or other people’s experience with cheating partners, etc, during a long distance relationship period, to me most people who take such stances just have trust issues and for me the last person I would want to marry is such a person. We either work on it or forget it.

Of course having a 100 percent trust of your partner is no guarantee that your union will last anyways and neither does it mean that a relationship/marriage that never experiences a period of long separation is the one that works. Like I said in my previous blog post, it is a chance we all take hoping for the best. There is no right or wrong answer. I have experienced, seen and read of many long distance relationships that have worked and I have seen and read of many of the other type that has failed.

Once a while, we all need a renewal of our minds and principles…so brace up and get to work now on that relationship/marriage whether it be a long distance one or the opposite.

Mark Gadogbe

First published on courageahiati.wordpress.com on September 29, 2014 as a Guest Blogger

RANDOM THOUGHTS ON RIGHT TIME FOR MARRIAGE

Once, I responded to a very interesting question from a young lady on whether it is best to get everything right before settling down with a man. I believe many are still pricked now and then with that thought. My humble answer at the time was that “sometimes the fear and carefulness to get everything right makes one get most things wrong”. Looking back now, over a year since this encounter, I believe strongly that I can still stand by that answer.

I believe in many respects that when it comes to relationships and marriage, it is just a chance we all take…hoping, praying and working for the best outcome. Yes, there isn’t any fast rule or mathematics about it…it’s a chance we all take.

Ok, let me put it simply this way. You want a guy who is so over the top financially sound before you settle down with him, right? Good. But isn’t it also a chance? Or is it a choice? What is the guarantee that two months down the line, your very financially sound and stable man’s world can’t turn upside down? Granted, he must be handsome and well built. Good, but what shows he won’t get crippled and disfigured the next moment? Or, you think many who are crippled and looking “unattractive” today were born like that?

What is the guarantee that the things we look out for today will remain permanent forever? Even the characters we so admire in some men and women and upon which we base many decisions are changing with a little taste of money, attention, career prospect…just name it. Does that say anything about the saying that “the only thing that is permanent in life is change”?

You see, you are blessed if you will look back many years later and still see the same character traits in your partner after so much has changed since settling down. Don’t get me wrong yet. I am not in any way suggesting that you throw away your fanciful list of “the twenty traits I must see in my partner before it works out” for just an “anything goes” list. Of course, plan your life and set high goals for yourself but can you make room for a bit of chance in your life’s plan because things don’t always turn out the way we want or plan it?

Well, at this point I know my religion obsessed readers will come again with the usual “there is nothing like luck or chance in a Christian’s life”. Well, do I look like I care? All I know is over spiritualizing everything clouds the wisdom that God has put in the head of some Christians. Ok, back to my point before I totally deviate because that is a subject for another day.

So let’s look at it this way. You are a lady and you want to get married at 30, but at 25 a good man comes your way…will you take your chances?? He may not meet all the things on your list though…will you? You are a man and you want to settle down at 30 because only then do you see yourself financially stable but at 25 a good woman comes into your life…will u take your chances?? What’s the guarantee that your financial stability won’t even only come at 40? She must be a nurse, but it’s turning out she will be a teacher? Will you go for it?

You see, Grace, Grace and plenty Grace is what we need on that relationship/marriage journey. And that Grace is already available as we all take our chances with a great dose of God’s guidance. You see, God doesn’t even follow your very carefully laid out life plans on anything, including your choice of a partner and time of marriage. And isn’t that why you have to make room for chance? Trust me, it is that small room of chance that He occupies to guide well your life.

He could even give you your man when you are just 18…whilst you are still planning for the 20s and 30s. Oh, you doubt that? 18 is too young an age to marry? Ok, ask our famous Nigerian actress Omotola (Omosexy) if she regrets marrying at 18 or ever taking the chance. Yes, 18 I know, or so I heard.

I’m only using one reference? Yes. It’s because I want you to find out yourself about the numerous testimonies of people who took the chance when it came to choice of partner or right time of marriage. It’s all out there. Research it.

Your problem is not because you have not met the right person, your problem is…well, I will tell you in my next write up.

Till then…

Brace up! Take the risk! Take the chance!

Mark Gadogbe

First published on courageahiati.wordpress.com on September 11, 2014 as Guest Blogger.