Does long dating guarantee marital success?

The fact that you dated 10 years before marriage is no guarantee that your marriage will last better than those who dated for a year.

It’s about how much you learn about each other in every critical aspect of what makes a marriage work and what values or strengths the two of you possess that will make you good and compatible partners for the long haul. If you learned nothing from all those years, you and that beautiful relationship could be a waste and will not stand the test of time.

It’s never about the years; but what’s in those years.

Your works, just like scripture says, will be tested through fire to see what comes out depending on what stuffs you and the relationship are made of.

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Men are dogs!ย 

I have to apologize that today’s post may be very controversial or too blunt to a select group of people or people who hold a particular opinion.

For all the ladies who blame all their relationship failures on men, I think they should go have a rethink. Call men dogs as much as you can but that wouldn’t change a thing; the worse it will do is make them more dogs to your disadvantage.

You see, because men are naturally the chasers, some of you ladies just sit down and do nothing and even after a man has won you over, you still do nothing…you still sit and wait to be chased and loved. Being at the receiving end always is the mindset of many of you ladies! Well, that’s good and men don’t mind doing that…but that’s where you are your own enemies sometimes.

Let me put it this way, the position of men as the chasers have made them learn their trade and it’s high time you ladies get up and learn yours. I’m not at all advocating that you become the chasers. Maybe when you read on, you will get it.

Do you know what a man goes through to get a woman he is interested in? Basically they do all they can to learn and get to know almost everything they can about the woman. They basically do a lot of researching anywhere, anyhow. Ask any guy and he will tell you whether he has not read one book or the other on women, looked at internet articles on women, etc. Don’t be surprised at the many men out there looking through sexual internet sites in a way just to learn how to please a woman (I’m not encouraging that though). You will even be amazed at the quantum of information out there about women. In effect, men get to know a lot of basic stuff about women (though “mysterious” beings most times).

The point is many of the ladies complaining about men sometimes know close to nothing about the men they have in their lives and how to please them so they can stick and stay. All many such ladies do is burden their men with many frivolous requests of buy me this, buy me that, send me money for my hair, shoe, dress, rent, etc. And when the few of their fellow ladies out there who do their homework well start getting their man’s attention off them, they start nagging and saying “men just can’t do without sex, they just can’t have enough of it, they can’t resist anything in pants“. I’m sorry to burst your bubble but many times it’s not just sex that keeps a man…men have very deep needs beyond sex.

Perhaps all you will ever know about men is reducing them to sex lovers…but I bet there’s a lot more about men that you have not focused your mind on to learn. You leave that to the ones you call “whores” and quite sadly though, they have learned to become good at what they do. You think they were just born that way? Ask many of them and you will know they learnt their trade. If any woman who snatches your man is a whore, then maybe there is something “good” they are doing that you’re not?

Well, men like creativity and trying out new stuff and mostly get frustrated with the same old thing, but shhss, don’t you ladies do same? Should I mention the new dresses, new hairstyles, new shoes, new jewelries, etc. that you want all the time? And isn’t that all some of you ladies focus your attention on even in a relationship? Some even claim they do it for the men, to look good for them. Well, very good…continue in that path alone.

Let me tell you my dear ladies, no man in his right sense will have a Jaguar at home and go looking out for a Kia car! Unless, there is something wrong with that Jaguar. So, learn to tend your garden very well and focus on the right things, the right priorities. Remember Mary and Martha and how the Bible said in Luke 10:42 that “only one thing is needful: and Mary hath chosen that good part, which shall not be taken away from her“. To keep a man, you need to draw attention to his very soul, the very things that make him a man, his dream, aspirations, etc. You can’t do that with just sex and neither can you do that if you don’t take time to study him well and help build him up.

Get up! and go learn something about men and discover their other elements. I tell you, men are the easiest to tame. Even the dogs you equate them with have being the best of man’s animal companion. But here’s the thing, you can’t even tame or train a dog if you know less to nothing about them! Get to work and start doing your homework well.

If you come back after reading this with those lousy remarks that men are dogs, then you are just incapable of managing a man.

You think the Bible saying “A GOOD MAN IS HARD TO FIND” is just for you quoting it aloud? You don’t even know that’s in the Bible, right? Oh, you think it’s only about “A VIRTUOUS WOMAN WHO CAN FIND“? and so you sit down waiting to be found and after you have been found you still waiting to be told what to do?

Then again, I think many of you have a crazy mentality that makes you think only men need women in their life because God said “It is not good for a man to live alone“. If it’s good for a woman to live alone, then glory hallelujah!

THE CHOICE IS YOURS as always. If you think you deserve a man in your life as a lady, then get up and go learn all you can about men and manage well that good man God blesses u with. Life is not all about wearing nice shoes and dresses and putting on nice makeup to get a man to sleep with you. Your value beyond that is what will determine if you will be kept as a life partner or ditched to the gutters.

ยฉMark Gadogbe (McApple), 2018

Relationships and the crazy things we do for love

Today is the 3rd anniversary of the day I officially proposed marriage to my wife with a ring. I used the word officially because I have always known in my heart that I didn’t need to pose the question “will you marry me?” before I can be sure that she would or wouldn’t accept to marry me. 

The circumstances of our relationship made me feel popping the question was just the Western world or movies thing that has become many African lady’s fantasy and I felt I was not cut out for that. That’s because for us, we have throughout the relationship made each other know clearly that it is a relationship leading to marriage and not just a short-term romantic relationship or testing of the waters or the “you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your Prince” thing. She was my first love relationship and I didn’t plan on jumping into a series of relationships. 

That’s the level of commitment we started with from day one and because of that we had countless times discussed topics relating to marriage and her actions have always proved she can’t possibly say no to marriage if I should pop the question anyday. In fact, I was not even planning on doing that “will you marry me” proposal thing but something happened and I figured it seems almost every lady wants the proposal with rings to happen as a way of launching the marriage phase before actually starting preparations for marriage. 

But for a guy like me who always wants value for money, I didn’t see why I should spend money on a ring that she may not even wear in public because of our cultural, societal and religious perceptions. At the time, though just 3 years ago, there was no way she was going to wear that ring to church (we being choristers and all the “pious standards” that makes you feel having a boyfriend is even a sin? ๐Ÿ˜‚) or in public without having to answer to so many people who would ask too many unwarranted questions. 

It’s not like these days that rings have become a fashion thing that we see ladies wearing rings on all five fingers and nobody cares. And truly I don’t really remember she wearing that ring freely in the open…coupled with that confusion out there over which finger wears such rings, whether the marriage ring finger or middle finger and all that? ๐Ÿ˜‚ So many different views out there on that thing…smh. Those days the old men and old ladies of the church will never spare you with a ring on whichever finger when not married ๐Ÿ˜‚. Plus the fact that even if she wears it even, it will be for barely some two or three months before marriage made little economic sense to me at the time. But I’ve never regretted it because it makes a lot of romantic or emotional sense to women and we get to benefit from satisfying that need anyways ๐Ÿ˜‚. 

OK, so back to what I actually wanted to share? Today’s anniversary made me remember possibly the craziest thing I made my wife do. We had started marriage counselling then I guess, and on one evening outing, I forced her to wear some miniskirt I bought for her during my studies in UK. 

It was a crazy suggestion and the way she looked at me in bewilderment spoke volumes. She’s not a miniskirt person and had never worn any before…none that very short. If you’re a committed church person like her, you would know she’s the type that obeys the “skirt must not go above the knee” rule to the core.  

And here I was suggesting she wears one so short that it can practically reveal her bum. ๐Ÿ˜‚ She blatantly refused and even after I kept convincing her by suggesting she “do something crazy for once in your life“, she went like “what if we meet our Pastor or someone from the church?” That phrase got me, and I couldn’t stop laughing and all the while thinking “like seriously? who cares?” 

As usual I think I gave her all the arguments of whether she thinks Pastors are saints, whether she knows what their wives wear for them at home, whether she thinks Pastor’s wives don’t wear g-strings, whether Pastors never feel sexy and act like really bad boys in bed with all the Playboy moves or she thinks they quote scriptures when coming to sleep with their wives. 

I’m sure all that line of argument for a simple question bored her into just giving in and wearing the damn thing ๐Ÿ˜‚. And I secretly took my camera along cos there was no way I was going to let that rare moment pass. 

But I can tell you the walk to the neighborhood restaurant to just grab some khebab and drinks and enjoy outdoor fresh air was her longest walk ever and the most sluggish and uncomfortable walk of her life. Nothing is ever so priceless as that crazy miniskirt night ๐Ÿ˜‚.

ยฉMark Gadogbe (McApple), 2017

Marriage & Personal Development Author 

Everybody is loveableย 

God has made everybody loveable. You don’t have to agree with it; that’s just what I think. 

But if that is true, then no matter what, you should be able to find someone you can love and marry…unless you’re being too picky/choosy or keep having unnecessarily high expectations. Or maybe your problem is that you want somebody who’s exactly like yourself (which you can never find).

Problem of choice

Things will be too easy in marriage if you find somebody exactly like yourself. God made marriage a training ground so that two individuals (opposites) can learn to better themselves, sharpening each other just as iron sharpeneth iron (Proverbs 27:17).

If you’re really serious, you should find someone…unless you want to sit for God to just drop an “already made” person on your lap or in your bed so you can just get on with it ๐Ÿ˜‚. You are waiting for “your match made in heaven“, the exact person whose rib you’ve been created from or who is the product of your rib?

You may wait for eternity…or maybe I should ask, how will you even know or recognize your missing rib? Be there and keep searching for your missing rib or waiting arms folded for your Prince Charming…literally. Me “sef” do I know if my adorable wife has my missing rib? ๐Ÿ˜‚ I’m not interested in any missing rib thing even if there is a 1:1 male to female ratio in my country or even the world. I know physically and spiritually, I will weary myself trying to dissect all the women in the world just to know and be sure she’s made of my rib. Every woman is a potential “missing rib” so drop all those long wish lists and just take one ๐Ÿ˜.

The thing I like about men is that they will easily admit that Charley, I know I’ve lost a lot of time on getting a partner and I seriously need a partner because I’m not happy being still single at this age. But for today’s independent women, no way…their rhetoric is that they are happy being single and independent. 

Well woman, keep telling yourself you are happy being single and you don’t need a man to make you happy or satisfy you because you can pleasure yourself down there. Of course nobody is dumb enough to expect you to cry in public for want of a man…but we know you “cry” when alone at night, bother God with a million prayer petitions and probably drink yourself to stupor over the thought of being single at 30, 40, 50??  What you should know about that false confidence is that you can’t tell everyone (the public) you don’t need a man and then have men come throwing themselves at you? You don’t need us, we not coming. ๐Ÿ˜‚

Society is full of people and counting back to all the years since you started having feelings for the opposite sex, chances are that you have met a lot of people who could have been your “potential spouse”. You can’t say you can’t find a wife/husband. Where have you been looking all these years? Chances are you’ve been wasting too much time on people who don’t know what they want with you. 

I know you will say I don’t understand the journey you’ve traveled, so I’m sorry I hurt your feelings. Let me leave it here before I hurt you further ๐Ÿ˜Š. Best of luck then. 

(PS: Don’t take this post too serious or as a judgemental piece. Nonetheless, we’ll love to hear your thoughts ๐Ÿ˜‰).

ยฉMark Gadogbe (McApple), 2017

Marriage killers

โ€‹”We put everything ahead of marriage and then wonder why it fails”

Whatever comes between you and your marriage is a marriage killer…be it positives like the Church, the kids, friends, family, and job; or negatives like addictions, bad habits, adultery, negative mentalities, etc. 

Whatever does not edify your marriage…watch it. Whoever is always willing to bring a charge against your marriage because he/she finds nothing good in your marriage should not be kept as company. Bad company corrupts good habits. 

In the course of a marriage, there is a lot of time to develop and to become divine lovers. That is where your marriage must get to. 

Work at it, pruning off all the negatives one step at a time. It’s possible to become divine lovers! We have the Grace; all we need to do is to put in the works. 

ยฉMark Gadogbe (McApple), 2017 

Date nights and couple fun

Couple fun…?

It doesn’t take much to have a fun marriage; all you need is two bottle crown caps to play a game on your next date night! 
Try it ๐Ÿ˜‚

Date nights and fun refreshes every marriage or relationship. Very little things create fun in marriage…you don’t have subject your brains to any mental agony to discover that. 

On our recent date night, we creatively enjoyed two different fun games with just bottle crown caps…and I can’t describe the atmosphere that just those crown caps created. Forget the pizza…it didn’t bring as much happiness, love and affection, more than what those crown caps did. ๐Ÿ˜

โ€‹Now you can guess who won!! 

All I do is win, win, win no matter what…” ๐Ÿ˜œ

๐ŸŽค๐ŸŽต๐ŸŽถ๐ŸŽผ

ยฉMark Gadogbe (McApple), 2017