“A good marriage is one which allows for change and growth in the individuals and in the way they express their love”
— Pearl S. Buck
Change is bound to happen in our lives and our marriages and relationships. We are not static beings; neither is our marriage. Change can be positive or negative. Static marriages don’t grow…many times they get boring. Embrace change in your marriage/relationship and develop a good mental attitude about it. It sure is not comfortable most times especially when it pushes you or your marriage/relationship out of your comfort zone but you sure will find some fun in there, some adventure, some new experience. After all, a life that stays the same is never exciting, I guess. It’s either you complain and sulk or look for something to encourage yourself.
Socrates it is that said:
“The secret of change is to focus all your energy not on fighting the old, but on building the new”
Change is inevitable and must be managed…whether temporal or permanent. Spouses react to and deal with change differently. Good marriages manage change better. How you deal with change will determine the outcome of your marriage.
Depending on the type of change, you could be on any portion of the “dealing with change curve” below. Wanna guess how change makes you feel??
God grant grace so we will be well able to handle all the numerous changes our lives, marriages and relationships will experience along the way. And may the changes not break us but build us!
Mark Gadogbe (McApple)
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Some people are not very forthcoming with words…but you can’t build a strong healthy relationship without communicating appreciation verbally. They prefer to hide behind actions to communicate what and how they feel, after all, doesn’t “actions speak louder than words”? Yeah, they do most often…but they also sometimes hide the exact feelings we wish to express or just may not carry as much weight as words.
Sometimes, gratitude that is not expressed by words is just nonexistent. The more you fail to communicate your appreciation verbally the more likely your significant other may feel taken for granted, especially when s/he is not good at reading through your actions. Sometimes it may just be as frustrating as trying to read a person’s mind…so be verbally expressive with your feelings of appreciation. Remember “what’s taken for granted will eventually be taken away; then you end up missing most what you least appreciated”.
Appreciation is a great thing in relationships and must be done very often…even in honour of the little supposedly “insignificant” things. It’s as simple as “when you value someone, you appreciate them”.
When you appreciate your man, he surely will appreciate you in return…it’s like action and reaction, cause and effect. So always find the words to tell him he is a good and hardworking man who tries his best to provide for you and the family and he will surely also not focus on your “irrelevant” flaws. Every man wants an appreciative woman who sees and acknowledges how hard he tries!
Similarly, keep telling her she is the best woman, wife, mother and homemaker and she surely will not also call you unhealthy names that ends up doing so much damage to your ego.
The secret? “A person who feels appreciated will always do more than what is expected”. Your willingness to put it into words is all that is necessary.
You can’t demand or command appreciation in a relationship/marriage when you do not give it yourself.
Learn it and earn it!
But hey, let not thy appreciation be false.
Mark Gadogbe (McApple)