Love your spouse less

Today I read something very intriguing titled “LOVE YOUR SPOUSE LESS” from a marriage devotional:

“…In Matthew 10, Jesus gave a job description to His disciples, which included a warning that following Him would lead fathers to divide from sons and mothers from daughters—it would even lead to enemies in one’s own household. Not the family-friendly message we often associate with Christianity!

Jesus was clear that the disciples’ families could not take priority over the mission He was giving them. On another occasion (recorded in Luke 14), Jesus turned to the large crowds following Him and told them that any man who refuses to hate his wife for the sake of following Him can’t really be a disciple. Yikes!

“Hate your own wife” is probably not the advice you were expecting to receive from a study on marriage. But that’s how Jesus instructs the husbands who were interested in following Him.

Honestly, it’s a message we don’t like to hear. But Jesus was clear: You can’t follow Him if you’re clinging too closely to your family. No relationship takes priority over your relationship with Jesus. If you want to follow Jesus, you can’t even cling to your own life.

Count the cost. That’s how Jesus ended this dialogue in Luke 14. Clinging to Jesus requires loosening your grip—perhaps letting go completely—on every other thing in your life.

Are you sure you want to follow Jesus?”

Stages of marital love

Which stage of love have you reached? 

I’ll tell you mine. We’re passed the young love stage and almost now enjoying realistic love…and we gonna stay there for a long time! How cool? 😂🙈

I discovered recently that marital love passes through five stages: 

– young love: years 1–2

– realistic love: years 3–10

– settled love: years 11–25

– renewed love: years 26–35

– inconceivable love: years 36+

But what’s important is that you make a decision to enjoy every stage of your marriage. Decide to cherish every moment. Let the beauty of your spouse always be the standard for beauty. Together, break out of the everyday routine again and again. 

Believe in and be amazed at the miracle of love, your marriage! It is the biggest adventure on earth! 

Love making…

Again, here’s something interesting I want to share from the marriage devotional I’m currently subscribed to that I mentioned in my earlier post God, Sex and Marriage.

Here it goes…

What Kind Of Love Are You Making?

No, God didn’t make a mistake! Imagine that you and your spouse lived in sexual utopia. You always want to have sex at exactly the same time and the same way. Every initiation is met with an eager response. There is never any conflict about foreplay, being too tired, giving each other pleasure or trying something new in bed because your desires are always exactly the same.  How fantastic would that be? It would be almost like the sex portrayed in movies–what a great love life!

God, the creative Creator certainly could have made sex that way. He could have created man and woman to be exactly the same sexually. But He didn’t. In fact, He intentionally made us vastly different.

Did God make a mistake? Did He “mess up” the master design of sex by making a husband and wife so diverse? Does He sit up in heaven and laugh that we can’t seem to please each other?

Remember that even before sin entered the Garden of Eden, Adam and Eve had primary sexual differences in the way God created them. God declared His creation of man and woman “very good” and this very good included your sexual differences.

God’s design for sex is NOT just for immediate exquisite pleasure (although He is all for that). But God has a much more beautiful gift of intimacy for you and your spouse to open than what the world says sex is about. Here’s the catch. It requires a different kind of love.

Sex is designed to be more than an expression of love between a husband and wife. It is also the refining fire of love. It tests and teaches a willing man and woman to reach beyond their natural desires and learn what servant love really is.

The world knows only of a love that feels good. We are born with the natural response to “love” those who meet our physical and emotional needs. This kind of natural love is essentially self-love. It really says, “I love the way you make me feel.”

The differences between you and your spouse will ultimately ask you a question: am I a servant lover or a selfish lover? God is very concerned about what kind of love you are making!

Action Step: Ask your spouse, with an open heart, how can I be a servant lover to you?

Hope you enjoyed it as much as I did? Share your thoughts with me in the comment box. Cheers! 

Mark Gadogbe (McApple), 2017

Marriage & Personal Development Author

Caring for others…

The people we take care of in life in whatever way (our children, spouses, siblings, parents, etc) are not to be seen as burdens…

It is a privilege that God uses us to take care of them…

Cos with or without us, He’ll still take care of them anyways.

He’s GOD…and nobody can best Him in taking care of His children…

So the next time you are blessed with the responsibility of taking care of someone,

Do not think you are doing him/her a favour (maybe u are)…

But more importantly, you are doing God a favour!!

And He’ll surely pay you back…HE NEVER OWES ANYBODY!!!

Well, that much I know….

THE BEAUTY IN A WIFE

Everyone has beauty but not everyone sees it

But the beauty of a good wife speaks and shows for itself

A timeless beauty that is reflected in her soul

One that grows exponentially with each passing day

One that is evident in the passion she glamorously exhibits

And the unadulterated love she offers

Her heart is a fountain of unceasing love and forgiveness

Nothing measures up to the depth of warmth

And the fondness felt in the embrace of a good wife

In her embrace her spouse feels a sense of peace and security

In her embrace her spouse feels never alone

And never forgotten

In a world that can be so cruel

For your many beautiful acts of love

I say thank you, my love, my wife, my beautiful

On this International Women’s Day

For thou oh Julia art a woman worth celebrating everyday

 

© Mark Gadogbe (McApple), 2017

Marriage & Personal Development Author

Control and manipulation…

There are no lessons to be learned when a husband dominates his wife. There are no inspiring examples to emulate when a wife manipulates a husband. Marriage shows us that we are not all there is; it calls us to give way to another, but also to find joy, happiness, and even ecstasy in another.
~~Gary Thomas

 

Affection before perfection!

Though there are no perfect people and relationships/marriages, it is possible that you can get to a point where you can say confidently of your partner that he/she is the “perfect” partner for you and you can’t think of anything that you would wish changes. And we can get there when we strive to offer affection before seeking perfection out of our spouses.

Affection constitutes tender expressions that result in feelings of closeness, passion, and security and results in marital satisfaction, intimacy, approval, hope, and pleasure…which can bring about perfection. For marriage to thrive, it needs frequent doses of affection which is a vital necessity for connecting with one’s spouse.

In the words of Hallifield Cosgayne O’Donnoghue:

Our husbands and wives however good, virtuous, or amiable, are yet mortal, and have the imperfections of their earthly origin: but still there are ten thousand graces and virtues, as strong to retain affection, as they were at first to conciliate it.  Let it be the endeavour of both parties to cultivate a kind and affectionate feeling; let not all the little acts of attention and kindness which first won esteem and marked the progress of attachment, be permitted to terminate when it is of most importance to preserve its endearment. The cares of life will sufficiently operate to cool and freeze the current of affection; but a prompt and ready attention to every wish, an anticipation of every want, a well-timed offering, in memory of a wedding or birthday, will revive affection, and warm the coolness which would otherwise steal insensibly over the heart and affections.

Affection is vital for all healthy human relationships and when spouses cultivate the habit of being affectionate towards each other, they become emotionally bonded in a near-perfect way. Conjugal affection especially is like a delicate plant; be careful you don’t trample it. 🙂

God help us to increase the affection in our marriages!

© Mark Gadogbe (McApple)

Image source:
http://weheartit.com

 

Marriage Rut…

“It is rare to find a couple as madly in love with each other as they were when they were dating. Most marriages have fallen into a routine; a boring, lifeless and discouraging routine. If you have kids, then it seems to be even harder to find time to connect with your spouse”

Image source:
www.peculiarwife.com

 

Wives…

My late Granny once advised someone:

Women are many but wives are few.

I didn’t understand at the time. Now I do.

#ValueYourSpouse

 

Mark Gadogbe (McApple)

PS: If you like it, keep not! Comment, share…and subscribe!

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Welcome to Wives Night

Giving

Real giving is when we give to our spouses what’s important to them, whether we understand it, like it, agree with it, or not.

—Michele Weiner-Davis

 

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The Giving Praise Challenge