Which stage of love have you reached?
I’ll tell you mine. We’re passed the young love stage and almost now enjoying realistic love…and we gonna stay there for a long time! How cool? 😂🙈
I discovered recently that marital love passes through five stages:
– young love: years 1–2
– realistic love: years 3–10
– settled love: years 11–25
– renewed love: years 26–35
– inconceivable love: years 36+
But what’s important is that you make a decision to enjoy every stage of your marriage. Decide to cherish every moment. Let the beauty of your spouse always be the standard for beauty. Together, break out of the everyday routine again and again.
Believe in and be amazed at the miracle of love, your marriage! It is the biggest adventure on earth!
Again, here’s something interesting I want to share from the marriage devotional I’m currently subscribed to that I mentioned in my earlier post God, Sex and Marriage
Here it goes…
What Kind Of Love Are You Making?
No, God didn’t make a mistake! Imagine that you and your spouse lived in sexual utopia. You always want to have sex at exactly the same time and the same way. Every initiation is met with an eager response. There is never any conflict about foreplay, being too tired, giving each other pleasure or trying something new in bed because your desires are always exactly the same. How fantastic would that be? It would be almost like the sex portrayed in movies–what a great love life!
God, the creative Creator certainly could have made sex that way. He could have created man and woman to be exactly the same sexually. But He didn’t. In fact, He intentionally made us vastly different.
Did God make a mistake? Did He “mess up” the master design of sex by making a husband and wife so diverse? Does He sit up in heaven and laugh that we can’t seem to please each other?
Remember that even before sin entered the Garden of Eden, Adam and Eve had primary sexual differences in the way God created them. God declared His creation of man and woman “very good” and this very good included your sexual differences.
God’s design for sex is NOT just for immediate exquisite pleasure (although He is all for that). But God has a much more beautiful gift of intimacy for you and your spouse to open than what the world says sex is about. Here’s the catch. It requires a different kind of love.
Sex is designed to be more than an expression of love between a husband and wife. It is also the refining fire of love. It tests and teaches a willing man and woman to reach beyond their natural desires and learn what servant love really is.
The world knows only of a love that feels good. We are born with the natural response to “love” those who meet our physical and emotional needs. This kind of natural love is essentially self-love. It really says, “I love the way you make me feel.”
The differences between you and your spouse will ultimately ask you a question: am I a servant lover or a selfish lover? God is very concerned about what kind of love you are making!
Action Step: Ask your spouse, with an open heart, how can I be a servant lover to you?
Hope you enjoyed it as much as I did? Share your thoughts with me in the comment box. Cheers!
Mark Gadogbe (McApple), 2017
Marriage & Personal Development Author
The people we take care of in life in whatever way (our children, spouses, siblings, parents, etc) are not to be seen as burdens…
It is a privilege that God uses us to take care of them…
Cos with or without us, He’ll still take care of them anyways.
He’s GOD…and nobody can best Him in taking care of His children…
So the next time you are blessed with the responsibility of taking care of someone,
Do not think you are doing him/her a favour (maybe u are)…
But more importantly, you are doing God a favour!!
And He’ll surely pay you back…HE NEVER OWES ANYBODY!!!
Well, that much I know….
Everyone has beauty but not everyone sees it
But the beauty of a good wife speaks and shows for itself
A timeless beauty that is reflected in her soul
One that grows exponentially with each passing day
One that is evident in the passion she glamorously exhibits
And the unadulterated love she offers
Her heart is a fountain of unceasing love and forgiveness
Nothing measures up to the depth of warmth
And the fondness felt in the embrace of a good wife
In her embrace her spouse feels a sense of peace and security
In her embrace her spouse feels never alone
And never forgotten
In a world that can be so cruel
For your many beautiful acts of love
I say thank you, my love, my wife, my beautiful
On this International Women’s Day
For thou oh Julia art a woman worth celebrating everyday
© Mark Gadogbe (McApple), 2017
Marriage & Personal Development Author
Though there are no perfect people and relationships/marriages, it is possible that you can get to a point where you can say confidently of your partner that he/she is the “perfect” partner for you and you can’t think of anything that you would wish changes. And we can get there when we strive to offer affection before seeking perfection out of our spouses.
Affection constitutes tender expressions that result in feelings of closeness, passion, and security and results in marital satisfaction, intimacy, approval, hope, and pleasure…which can bring about perfection. For marriage to thrive, it needs frequent doses of affection which is a vital necessity for connecting with one’s spouse.
In the words of Hallifield Cosgayne O’Donnoghue:
Our husbands and wives however good, virtuous, or amiable, are yet mortal, and have the imperfections of their earthly origin: but still there are ten thousand graces and virtues, as strong to retain affection, as they were at first to conciliate it. Let it be the endeavour of both parties to cultivate a kind and affectionate feeling; let not all the little acts of attention and kindness which first won esteem and marked the progress of attachment, be permitted to terminate when it is of most importance to preserve its endearment. The cares of life will sufficiently operate to cool and freeze the current of affection; but a prompt and ready attention to every wish, an anticipation of every want, a well-timed offering, in memory of a wedding or birthday, will revive affection, and warm the coolness which would otherwise steal insensibly over the heart and affections.
Affection is vital for all healthy human relationships and when spouses cultivate the habit of being affectionate towards each other, they become emotionally bonded in a near-perfect way. Conjugal affection especially is like a delicate plant; be careful you don’t trample it. 🙂
God help us to increase the affection in our marriages!
© Mark Gadogbe (McApple)
“It is rare to find a couple as madly in love with each other as they were when they were dating. Most marriages have fallen into a routine; a boring, lifeless and discouraging routine. If you have kids, then it seems to be even harder to find time to connect with your spouse”
My late Granny once advised someone:
Women are many but wives are few.
I didn’t understand at the time. Now I do.
Mark Gadogbe (McApple)
PS: If you like it, keep not! Comment, share…and subscribe!
Growing up, I learned very early that many times we fail at a task because we do not prepare well enough. Hard work pays and it’s as simple as that!
I also observed early in life that many times, most marriages fail because we do not prepare well enough, we do not work hard enough, we do not put in as much effort there as we do our careers, we seek too many comforts that we bail too easy and early enough when the comforts we seek do not arrive too soon. Marriage is no rocket science but it’s still hard work all the way through. Yet, with all the hard works too, it still will not work well if we don’t build it on a solid foundation of Christ and a great deal of “marital knowledge”.
Good knowledge will always be a vital tool in every endeavour; without it every venture perishes (Ref: Hosea 4:6). It is in light of that and my resolve to see my marriage last till the end that I recently made it a life goal to not let a day pass without reading something (even if it’s a sentence) on marriage. Aside books, I subscribe often to different daily marriage devotionals and I’m really learning a lot. Mark Twain said “the man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who can’t read” and I find that to be true. Similarly, I believe a man who makes the effort to acquire more marital knowledge (and applies it) will have a better marriage than the man who doesn’t and just goes through the motions.
I think what I learned today from the recent marriage devotional plan I subscribed to (a plan adapted from Dr. Kim Kimberling’s new book “7 Secrets to an Awesome Marriage”) was interesting:
“Let’s compare marriage to a long distance race. The truth is that most of us did not prepare well for the race. We just jumped in and someone said go and we went. We did not train. We did not change our habits or behaviors. We just ran. So it is not surprising that not too far into the race some of us were ready to bail out. Others seemed to be hanging in, but they were really struggling. It comes down to this.
Everyone in the race needs hope. Hope that they can make it the distance. Hope that there are a whole lot of water stations along the route that refresh and energize them. Hope that their spouse is running side by side with them. Hope that their spouse is in it with them to the end. Hope in the truth that they are not running the race alone – God runs with them.”
How to make marriage successful is never learned in a school syllabus in our formative lives and if we do not make any effort in our adult life to seek that knowledge then I wonder on what foundation of knowledge our marriages will be built on and how well/far we will run the race. Maybe attaining the “marriageable age” naturally confers on us all the marital knowledge we need to achieve success, huh? Or, maybe growing up and observing our own parents’ marriage is all the knowledge we need, huh?
Well, whatever it is, why not start a daily marriage reading challenge and see if it is worth it?
Mark Gadogbe (McApple)