Sometimes I get discouraged at my journey, looking at where I have reached versus where I had wanted to be. It is not a good feeling.
For some of us, our dreams stagnated because we had to postpone many things to help others on the way. Sometimes you feel proud that God had to use you to give others hope and a shot at life. Other times, you feel downcast or low spirited seeing your present circumstance and the success of many folks you started with, and you know deep within you that you could have reached so much heights had the burdens been light.
Many times you would hope and pray that those you had to be a light to in their dark moments would stand with you in your low moments. But such a hope is also a big gamble because you have real scars, memories and histories of abandonment by even those you once shared a womb and a bed. Once bitten, twice shy, they say…so it makes sense to stop making sacrifices for people, but your nature seems to abhor “putting yourself first”. Not that you cannot make yourself the foremost and perhaps only priority, but your conscience always wins at dissuading you.
You are grateful for where God took you from to where you are now. But you are also dissatisfied with the present and dying for a change, for a new breakthrough, for quick answers to silent prayers. You feel you have long stayed in a wilderness situation and just a new wind of change will give you great joy and renewed hope.
When will that happen? When will God answer your heartfelt prayers? That is the bigger battle. Not that you have not read many times the Biblical encouragement “do not be anxious about anything…Phil 4:6-7”, but waiting is indeed frustrating. They say it pays to wait but for now, “it pains to wait”. But hang in we must. To keep hopes alive and keep praying for a miracle and a turnaround we must.
Every once in a while we all deserve a good thing to lift our spirits up, don’t we?
©Mark Gadogbe, 2023